30 Days of Truth, Day 11.

July 29, 2010

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I think the thing that I get the most compliments on is that I have a good heart. It's one of the things that I love about myself. I care about other people, and their feelings.

I'm sure you've hear this a million times, "It doesn't matter how good looking they are if they have a shitty attitude!" I truly believe that. If you're a gorgeous woman (or man) and you have a shitty attitude and only care about yourself then you wont get very far in life. Who wants to be around that all the time?

So yeah, I may not be the best looking person in the world but I'm a great person to have as a friend. I can live with that!

Ok enough of that, guess what y'all? Guess who called me today?? My sister! (Yeah, I'm doin' the happy dance!!) She just called to talk, no arguing, no bitching, just talking like we used to do before the huge argument! I can't begin to tell you how happy I am!!!

Only 52 more days until I'll be back home, in Louisiana!! Yay! Going to be celebrating the Sugar Cane Festival and meeting up with Leiah, and hopefully Kimber and Deanna too! Wild, fun times y'all!

SAS and 30 Days of Truth, Day 10.

July 28, 2010

Egg Salad
4 hard-boiled eggs, peeled
1/4 – 1/2 C. mayonnaise
1 – 2 t. mustard powder
salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
2-3 slices cooked bacon, crumbled

Place whole eggs in a bowl and, using a pastry blender, mash eggs until they are finely chopped. (I like to leave mine a bit chunky) Add crumbled bacon. Add 1/4 C. mayo and 1 t. mustard powder then stir to blend. Taste and then adjust amounts of mayo and mustard powder to suit your own taste. Season well with salt and pepper. Serve on your choice of bread. (I like mine toasted) I also add tomato (especially right out of the garden!!) and lettuce. Yummm.

 Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

As usual there is a couple of people that I think of when I read this one! One of those wont be in this entry.
The answer to this one would probably be my two "bff's" from Louisiana.

The first one I've known since we were 16, she moved in with my  family in my sophomore year after her grandfather kicked her out. We were like sisters. Best of friends. Until she met a guy. Yeah, she's one of "those!" Once she meets a guy she doesn't know you, until he dumps her. Not to mention the girl used to borrow money off of me all the damn time and never paid me back. But I knew when I was "loaning" it to her that I wasn't going to get it back so no biggie.

It seems I have a knack of finding those "it's all about me" people. The last time I spoke to her was when I was on my way home for Rusty's Dad's funeral. She decided that it would be a good time to call me and tell me about her suicide attempt. The day my son's father killed himself. I was still angry. So to have this girl, who's only problems was that she has five kids with a pill head and she can't keep her pants on., to have her call me and tell me how she didn't even think of her kids as she was swollowing the pills...can you see the flames coming out of my ears?

The conversation didn't go well. I  told her that I couldn't believe that she could be that selfish, to not even think of her kids???

A couple of months later her daughter sent me a message on FB to tell me that she was back in the hospital because of depression. I sat down and wrote her a long message (on fb) explaining to her, in detail what my ex did to his kids, his parents, his friends...the people who loved them. I begged her to think of her kids.

She never even replied to the message. A couple of months ago she started leaving comments on my profile, so I guess she's not mad at me anymore lol. I usually don't reply to her. It's just not worth the energy it takes sometimes. She's got to figure out her own life.

The other bff is almost just as bad. I honestly think (now that I've had time to look back over everything) that the only reason we became friends was because when we met at a mutual friends house she started having an anxiety attack. She didn't have her meds. I told her I had mine at my house. She came with me to my house and from then on, we were inseparable. We're two peas in a pod in so many ways it's not even funny. I swear, you could get the two of us together and let us have a couple of drinks and video tape us....you'd sell that shit for a fortune lol. We're hilarious together. That's what happens when you put two blondes together!

We've had our issues. She  has issues with  Rx drugs. So I was the perfect friend (in her eyes) for her. I was just too dumb to see it. She'd always have a reason why she was out of her anxiety meds, and since I have anxiety and I know how it feels, I felt bad for her so I'd give her some of mine (we were on the same meds).

Both of her kids are my godchildren.  I love them dearly. It's one of the reason's we're still friends.  She'd stopped talking to be a couple of months before I moved away from LA. She woke me up early on the morning of my birthday and I was cranky, I guess it pissed her off. She was even invited to my surprise bday party and didn't show up.

A week before I left she got in touch with me and I got to see my God babies a bit before I left. I usually see her and the kids every time I go home but it's not the same! She tells me she's off all the Rx meds, but I know he so well that I know when she's slurring her words and I can (almost) tell you what she's on. It's sad.

Well, my sleeping pills seem to be kicking in! Hope you all have a good night!

30 Days of Truth, Day 9.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

This one's gonna be a little hard for me. I kinda believe that people come inot (and out of) your life for a reason. So if there's someone I've drifter apart from, it was for a reason. I might not have realized it at the time but sooner or later the truth slaps me upside my damn head I get the point.

The only person I can think of is my son's Dad. Yesterday was the "anniversary" of his suicide.  Even though our marriage didn't' work out we were still very good friends, until I moved here.  Distance and his drug abuse took it's toll on our friendship.

He's threatened suicide so many times before, no one honestly thought he'd actually do it. We all thought his threats were just for attention.

Thought I'm still so damn angry for the way he did it. For calling his parents and telling them "goodbye," knowing they were going to run down to his house. For pulling the trigger knowing they were going to be the ones to find him. For doing that to them a year (to the day) after they lost their daughter to lung disease.

I'm pissed at him for being so fucking selfish. For not thinking of his kids, his parents, his family...the people who loved him. Fuck, I'd like to give up sometimes, but I can't. I have a  child. I can't be that damn selfish.

But as pissed off at him I am, I hurt for him too. I can't imagine the pain he must have been going through to stick the barrel of a high powered rifle in his mouth and pulling the trigger. I hurt for what must have been going through his mind during those last minutes.

Suicide is never the answer! Suicide prevention lifeline.

Meet Me on Monday and 30 Days of Truth...day

July 26, 2010

You should go by Java's blog and check out the Meet Me On Monday!


1. What one food could you eat every single day?
Mexican...anything Mexican! You can add a margarita to that order...please!

2. Do you wear glasses or contacts? 
Glasses, only when I read though (unless I forget to take them off lol)!

3. What kind of cell phone do you have?
Blackberry Tour...can't live without it

4. What did you have for dinner last night?
We went to a pig pickin' (my first) so we had pulled pork and all the fixin's!

Whew...thank God they didn't have a whole pig on the grill...I wouldn't have been able to eat it lol! Love that pic though! Found it on Google!

5. What is your favorite candy?
Watermelon (or almost any other flavor) Jolly Ranchers! Once I start eating them...I can't stop!  

Today is day 8 of my 30 days of truth. I can't tell y'all how therapeutic this meme has been for me. I'm having fun with it!  

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

I could really go off with this one, but for the sake of my own sanity I'm not going to. I guess this one would have to go to my ex. I met him when my son was 2. I know that this is going to sound so cliche' but the first time that I saw him I just knew that we were destined to be together. For real y'all, I swear I thought I heard a choir singing lol. I didn't even meet him that day, I just saw him. It took me two weeks to talk my sister into introducing me to him. He was recently separated and well to be honest, I was a bit of a "player!" (or so my sister thought) She honestly said that he was too good for me.

I have to explain the "player" thing though. I'd been hurt so many times that I wasn't about to let anyone do it to me again. So I would break things off with a guy before he could. Yeah...it was my "I'm gonna hurt you before you can hurt me stage!"

She finally introduced us two weeks after I first saw him. He came to my sisters house (with his 5 and 6 year old daughters) and we played cards. We saw each other every day after that for almost two months before he left to go on a vacation with his family. The week that he was gone was one of the most miserable weeks of my life lol. My sister and her husband (I lived with them) were just as miserable. We all missed him like crazy!!

He ended up cutting his vacation short by three days because apparently he missed me just as much. YAY! I think he was the first guy that didn't try to have sex with me on the first date, or the second, or the thrid. Two months. Months. I loved that about him.

We ended up moving in together not long after the vacation. I'd never been that in love with someone in all my life. And I was just in love with his kids. They started calling me momma about two weeks after we started dating. They had my heart.

Eight months into our living together I found out that he was talking to his ex that he was separated from. I was crushed. Heartbroken. But I bowed out gracefully. I loved him enough that I wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. His psycho wife started sending me crazy letters in the mail, they were typed on brown paper bags and the return address was 666 Cemetery Highway crazy! AFTER I left...and she had him back...and this  bitch started harassing me. Don't worry, two years later I whipped her ass!  You can talk about me all you like but when you start putting my sons name on those brown paper bags, we've got an issue. And I DON'T forget. I only had to wait to years to find her ass out in a bar!

Five years later we found out that each other was once again single. We started seeing each other again and within two months we were living together again.  

He'd changed a lot over those five years. When we first got back together he had this young couple living with him. My sister and I stopped by his house one night cause he said they were having a party. There were teenagers every where. Those kids were tearing up his house, one girl actually threw up in his bed. It was a hot mess. By the end of the night the teenagers were running out the back door and the cops (noise complaint) were knocking on the front door. That should have been my first clue. But, here's the man that I'd loved so much that I chose to ignore a lot of things I shouldn't have.

He's started smoking weed. I always knew it but chose to ignore it. He'd smoke it in front of his kids. I couldn't stand that. There was no way he was doing that in front of my son. And he didn't. I guess about 5 years into our relationship there was a knock at our door, it was the cops.

His 17 year old daughter wanted to move in with us and there was nothing her mom could do to stop her so she told the cops that we got a "shipment" of weed every Friday and that we sold to minors. Lyin' bitch.

Our house was raided. In front of my son and my Godchild were there. We had about 10-12 cops searching everywhere. They found less than an ounce of weed.  We were both arrested. Yup, I was arrested and handcuffed, in front of my son and my Godchild. For weed that I didn't even smoke. (Yeah, I'd tried it. Hell I even liked it for a while, but that was years before this.)

I don't think I ever forgave him for that. Having to go to court and being found guilty. Having that on my record. For being put on probation for two years for his bs. Uugh. Want to know the funny part? Two months later we got married. Lol...

Drugs and alcohol were a big part of his life. I just chose to overlook it. Instead of standing up for myself and demanding that he quit I just overlooked it. I started noticing that when he was on (pain) pills or when he was drinking that he was mean, hateful, spiteful...just nasty mean.

The longer we were together the worse it got. It was like a sport to him, and the bigger audience he had, the worse it was. I'll never forget my first xmas without my Mom my whole family came to our house for xmas day. He got drunk. He was just mean to me for the sake of being mean. He humiliated me in front of my family. I sat there in front of everyone and cried.

That was the day that I realized that I wasn't going to take it anymore. Two can play this game. It just went downhill from there. We fought all the time. Never had nothing nice to say to each other. It was just abusive all the way around.

This is also the same time that I realized that there was something seriously wrong with me. I was having a lot of muscle pain, numbness in my "limbs" and just really weird shit going on with my body. I went to my family doctor and the minute I told him my symptoms he said "You have fibromyalgia!" Just to be on the safe side he tested me for MS, Lupis and every other frickin' thing you can think of. He was right the first time.

I took it hard. All I could think about when being tested for MS was "What if I end up in a wheel chair? This is who I'm supposed to depend on to take care of me? Just imagine how abusive he'd be then!" When I went home and told him what the final results were he said "You might as well as kill yourself now and get it over with!"

The worst  part was I had to sleep with my meds hidden in my pillow case every night. They were his first love at this point. Honestly, I don't know how I could have been so stupid to have not realized that he was sneaking in them. Once I had to get an injection in my neck which meant that he had to take me to the hospital and bring me home because I was sedated. Once he got me home he went straight to the drug store and filled my Rx's! Pain meds. The next day I realized that he'd taken half the bottle before he gave them to me. He stashed them for later.

It got so bad that (because I couldn't work at the time) the only way he would let me fill my Rx's was if I gave him half of them. He'd paid for them after all. That was his thinking. If he paid for them then he should get half of them.

He used to love to light a small fire in our back yard and sit out there and drink during the winter. At this point he was so bad off on pills that he would fall asleep out there and I wouldn't be able to wake him up. It would take me over an hour to get him up and in the house. It disgusted me to see him like that. It was, in one word, pathetic.

I'd never even thought about this until my sister said it to me but she told me "Dee, if he od's on your pills, you can go to jail!" I'd already been to jail once for his ass, I wasn't about to do it again. I left. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I was (and am) so proud of myself for having the strength to just walk away. It was the best decision for both of us.

I immediately filed for a divorce. The only thing I asked for in our divorce was my car. I wasn't going to take anything from him. I just wanted out. We were granted our divorce two months later.

Two months after our divorce I found out that he was seeing his ex wife. Yeah, the psycho bitch that he was married to before me. Haha. They were married a couple of months later and within 6 months of their wedding she was preggers with their son. His daughters were 23 and 24 at the time they had their son. His grandson is older than his son lol.

But, his wife has done some good for himl. Apparently (NOT) he's off drugs. (Bitch is blind! I saw him the last time I went home, he was loaded on pills. I mean...fucker is slurring his words! HELLOOO). And he's really slowed down on the drinking. (HA right!) She wont allow it.

More power to 'em!

Whew...that was a long one huh? If you're still reading this...I lubs ya! You're the best! I'm gonna close by saying "I hate half truths!" Just sayin'.............

30 days of Truth and Friday Follow

July 23, 2010

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

I hope I never have to lose a loved one, friend, enemy, etc to cancer (or anything else for that matter!!!)
I hope I never have to tell my Son that someone else he loves has passed away.
I hope I never have to deal with a certain bitchy individual again. Ever.
I hope I never have to go to the dr again. (Yeah, good luck with this one!)
I hope I never have to see my son hurt, in any way, shape or form of the word.
I hope I never have to argue with my sisters again.
I hope I never piss my hubby off so bad that I make the vein in his forehead pop out! Lol...it's not purdy!
I hope I never have to give up.
I hope I never have to hide what I truely feel.
I hope I never have to dust again. Or do laundry. Or mop or sweep. Oh hell...I hope I never have to clean again. Hey, it's my world. A girl can dream!
I hope I never have to stay up for two days straight again (yeah, I'm going on day 2 no sleep!)

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Rusty's 14th Birthday
                            Rusty visiting me in NC
Senior Pic

                    Rusty's favorite thing to do

My Son. (And my Grandson, his pic will be at the end of this post! He's such a CUTIE!!!)He is what makes every day worth waking up for.  Even when my fibromyalgia pain was at it's worst, I made sure that I got up out of bed when he came home from school. He's worth it.

He's got this deep voice that just soothes me when I hear it. If I'm having a rough day all I have to do is talk to him and I'm better.  (Isn't that supposed to go the other way around?? Parenting fail!)

His laugh is infectious. I absolutely love the sound of his laugh. I swear, it's like a xanax for me lol. (Don't tell him I said that!) He has the quirkiest sense of humor. And this child will look you straight in the eye and tell you exactly what he thinks of you. Tough nugies if you don't like it! Lol... I love that about him! He's not afraid to speak his mind. At all.

I used to roll my eyes when I'd hear someone say "My life wasn't complete until I had my kids," and then I had Rusty.

When I found out I was pregnant and then two weeks later found out that his (bio) Dad wanted nothing to do with me or him, I didn't know if I could do it. Neither did my family. I'm a very determined person though. If you expect me to fail, I'll show your ass!

I've never recieved a dollar in child support. Ever. It's been me and Rusty against the world since the day he was born. Three months early and only weighing 3 lbs. He was born a fighter. And he's been that way ever since then! It rubbed off on me.

He's my pride, my inspiration, my drive. He's made me realize that giving up isn't an option. I'd like to say that I'm always stronger than him, but it's not true. He's also my support.

You think you know love, until you have a child. Once you have a child of your own then you know true, pure love.

I can't leave out my Grand Son. He is everything to my Son. There isn't a minute, a second of each day that goes by that my son doesn't think of his son. He babies him, he's a great parent. You'll never see a 20 year old boy (man??) take care of their baby the way my son does his! Just sayin'...... Here's my Grandbaby!!!!!!

My Grandbaby! Aww cher'!!!

Isn't he adorable? You wanna know what's sad? I don't even know my Grand Son's name. But if I had to guess I'd say it's Hunter, or Browning, Beretta, Smith, Wesson, Remington...you know, one of those CLASSY names! Aint just any ol' name gonna work for my country boy He's gotta have the best "cajun" name out there!


SAS and A Letter to Mom. Taco Stuffed Shells, Lazy Cabbage Rolls.

July 22, 2010

Mexican Stuffed Shells

1lb ground beef
1 package taco seasoning
1 4 once package cream cheese
12 large pasta shells
1 cup salsa
1 cup taco sauce
1 cup cheddar cheese (shredded)
1 cup Monterey jack cheese (shredded)
1 ½ cups tortilla chips (crushed)
3 green onions (chopped)
1 cup sour cream

In a fry pan cook ground beef and add taco seasoning and prepare according to package directions. Add cream cheese cover and simmer until cheese is melted. Blend well. Set aside and allow to fully cool. While burger is cooking cook the pasta shells, drain and toss well with butter.

Pour salsa in the bottom of a 9 x 13 inch baking dish.

Stuff each shell with the meat mixture. Place the stuffed shells in the baking dish and cover the tops of the shells with taco sauce.

Cover and bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

After 30 minutes, uncover, and sprinkle crushed chips and shredded cheddar and Monterey jack cheeses on top. Cook for about 15 more minutes. Serve with sour cream, additional salsa, black olives, you know... all the "taco fixings!"

This next dish is something that my Mom, my sisters and I have made for as long as I can remember. I change it up a bit though. I think the tomato soup is a bit too sweet for my liking so I use half a can of the soup and a (small) can of tomato sauce. I also sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top! I didn't have any pics so I had to search Google for a couple. Mine is usually much more "tomato'y" (it IS a word damn it!) than this pic looks!

We call them "Lazy Cabbage Rolls!" This dish is super easy and yummy. Don doesn't eat cabbage, or I guess I should say didn't! Lol... He loved the HELL out of this dish!!! Yeah, seriously....he didn't eat cabbage before this!

Lazy Cabbage Rolls
1 lb ground beef
1 lb ground pork
2 large onions
1 1/2 cups uncooked rice
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 large head of cabbage (cut into bite size pieces)(I cut the cabbage into bigger chunks, it kind of falls apart so you don't want them too small!)
1 (10 oz can) can tomato soup
2 cups cheese (your choice, I use Italian blend.

Brown beef, pork and onions together until brown. Cover the rice with boiling water. Add salt and pepper, then boil until water is absorbed.

Fry cabbage until limp. Mix all ingredients together in a large casserole dish and cover with tomato soup and sprinkle with cheese.

Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. Serves 6 to 8.

Every year I sit down and write my Mom a letter on the "anniversary" of her death, on her birthday and on Mother's day. Sometimes I just write one when I'm missing her. Today is the 12 year anniversary of her passing.

Dear Momma,

Wow! 12 years (today) have gone by since we lost you. It hasn't gotten easier, not that I really expected it to. I miss you just as much today as I did the day you left us.

Don and I are doing great. Yeah, we're going through some stressful times but it's only bringing us closer. He takes such good care of me Momma. I really wish you could have met him. I honestly think if you could have gone out and hand picked the man for me, it would be him. You'd love him.

His love is of the purest kind. He believes in me more than anyone I know, besides you. He treats me like the queen you always told me I am. Really Ma...you'd love him.

Rusty's doing amazing. I talked to him tonight an he was telling me about his job. He's been trying to get a promotion at work. He has more determination that I ever thought I had. His plan is to own a house by the time he's 25 and I swear Ma, I don't have a doubt that he'll do it.

I worry about him though Momma. Next week will be the 1 year "anniversary" of his Dad's suicide. I'd give anything to be there with him. Just to wrap my arms around him. I know he tries to act all "macho" and act like he doesn't need his Momma anymore, but in truth...he's just a kid trying to deal with the fact that his father committed suicide. He said he's ok. But the Mom in me....you know how it is.

Momma I swear, not a day goes by that I don't think about you, about how much I miss you. How much I wish you were still here. I love you Momma.

I'll probably do another entry today for my "30 Days of Truth." Just sayin'....

30 Days of Truth...Day 5. Awards time...........

July 21, 2010

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

I hope to grow old with my husband. I hope to make him as happy as he makes me every single day. I hope to travel with him. I hope to take him home to Louisiana and show him even more of my favorite places. I want to see it through his eyes like I did the first time he was there.

I hope to watch my son grow up. I hope to meet my grand kids, to bake cookies with them. I hope to baby sit them and let them spend summers at my house the way I used to do with my grand mother. I hope to pick blackberries with them and go home and make yummy desserts with them.

I hope to get finish my GED this year. (Will be starting back by next week!!) I hope to figure out what in the hell I want to do with myself after that. I hope to sign up for some classes. I hope to get a degree, for something. As soon as I figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Y'all may remember recently that I made up my own award. Well since not one person that I gave it to (ya stinkers lol) posted it in their blog or gave it away to anyone else, I thought I'd give it to 10 more people and see if I can get this thing going. If not, I guess this is the end of it!

The rules are going to be fairly simple. All you have to do is answer the 10 questions. And pick 10 people (or if you're feeling "Naughty" you can just do 5, or none at all) to pass it along to, then let them know that you've given it to them!

1. What is the silliest prank you ever played on someone?

2. If you could take a trip anywhere out of the country where would you go? Why?

3. Who plays the most influential role in your life?

4. Are you ok with your significant other being friends with an ex?

5. Favorite candle scent?

6. Next movie you're excited about seeing?

7. You must ban one word from the dictionary and all usage, to be no longer uttered or written. What word do you ban?

8. Do you have any relatives in jail?

9. What crazy fads were popular when you were a teenager.

10. Have you ever been mentioned in a newspaper or on TV?

Here's the 10 people I'd like to give it to.

I hope you all enjoy and have fun with it! I'm having a flare today so I'm stuck on the couch today, yay! Fun! Not!

PINT and 30 days...Day 4.

July 19, 2010

I love Tuesdays now! I also love these sticky lil boogers! If you'd like to play along you can do so by clicking on the little yellow one above.

Day 04→Something you have to forgive someone for.

I need to forgive my Dad for not being there when I was a child.

My Dad was a career soldier. He was in the Marines for 6 years.
He was in the Army for 19 years. Once he retired from the Army he worked civil service for a good 10-15 years before finally retiring all together.

He lived close to us  (within a few hours drive) most of my childhood until he was stationed in Hawaii.
 I spent two months in Hawaii with him when I was 12. After that I only saw him 3 times until he moved to Louisiana. So from 12 - 33, I only saw him 3 times.

We're not as close as I'd like for us to be. We're both at fault for that though. It's not all him.

But I do need to forgive him, and let it all go!!

30 Days of Truth....Day 3.

Day 03→ Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Not being with my Mom when she passed away.

The night before my Mom passed away instead of being with her I went out and got drunk. Yeah, judge me if you must. Trust me, it's something I've beat myself up for more than you ever could.

My life was in an uproar. I was watching my Mom die. I watched her go from 180 lbs of healthy to less than 100 lbs of cancer. Because of certain things that were going on my sisters and I weren't able to spend as much time with our Mom as we would have liked.

We didn't get along with our Mom's husband. That's a whole other blog entry in itself but lets just say that it didn't make it easy for us. I thought that he was over medicating my Mom (I still do). When she told me that he'd given her 16 sleeping pills in one night, I called hospice. Apparently they didn't see a problem with this. I think that over medicating her was easier than taking care of her. Unfortunately, she passed away a few days after finding all of this out so we were unable to do anything so we could be the ones to take care of her instead of him.

Because I was having such a hard time dealing with what was going on with Momma, my ex and I were separated at the time. (it was only for a week but still)

A really good friend of mine Crystal called me the day before Mom passed and asked me to go to a birthday party with her, she didn't want to go alone. The party was held in a banquet hall of a hotel. Her father ended up renting a room for her and I to "sleep it off" because we both got so drunk. I didn't have a cell phone at the time. We got up early the next morning and Crystal dropped me off at my sisters house on her way to work.

When I got to my sisters house I thought it was funny that there were still bowls of half eaten cereal on the table. My sister is not the type of person who would leave that kind of stuff sitting there like that. I was still half asleep so I didn't think much about it.

The next thing I know my two sisters and my sisters kids came walking into the house. My Sister Denise looked at me and said "Dionne, Momma died this morning. Get dressed. They're holding her body at the house until we can get you there."

I can't even tell you what happened next. To this day I do not remember getting dressed, or the drive over there. I just remember pulling up in front of the house and jumping out of my sisters car, I think before she'd even fully stopped. I remember running in the house and Mom's husband looking at me and saying "She's gone, they took her body 10 minutes ago!"

I remember screaming "Why?" Over.and over. and over. again. I remember hitting the floor. I remember screaming until I had no voice left.

I remember calling my ex at work and screaming into the phone so loudly that he couldn't even understand what I was saying. I remember that I had to say "Momma's gone!" at least 20 times before he couldn't finally understand what I was saying.

Honestly, the next week was a blur. I remember bits and pieces. I remember having to tell my Son that his "MaMaw" had passed away. Having to hold him as he cried when all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and make it all go away.

I remember going to the funeral home with her husband and seeing the styrofoam casket he'd picked out for her. Seriously, styrofoam covered in fabric.  That's what he'd picked for his wife to be buried in. I remember my sisters and I scrambling to get the money together for something better for her.

I remember picking out the music and scriptures. I remember picking the pall bearers with my sisters.

I remember sitting at the funeral home surrounded by the men who loved me the most then. My ex on one side of me, my son and his Dad on the other. I remember my son being the strongest little man (9 year old) I'd ever seen.

I remember every one of my Mom's daughters and her grandkids taking one of her guardian angel pins (she collected them) and pinning them on her dress in her casket.

I remember the pouring rain as we got to the cemetery.  I don't remember the graveside service. I remember that when it was over that my two sisters and I held hands and walked over to our little sisters grave, how we stood there in the rain. Crying. Just holding hands. And crying.

I'll always remember this song. I'll probably always cry every time I hear it.

I remember my Mom. I remember that I wasn't with her when she passed away. It's really something that I need to forgive myself for. Not sure if that's possible though.

If Your Blog Design is Screwed Up, and MOM....

First, I'll do the MOM questions and then I'll explain the blog design stuff.


1. What is your favorite sandwich?
Turkey and Ham poboy or Monte Cristo
2. What is stashed under your bed/mattress?
Nothing that I know of, but now I have to go check lol
3. What is your favorite flower?
I love the smell of ginger but I love the way that stargazer lillies look
4. What is your favorite magazine?
I like People magazine 
5. How often do you weigh yourself?
Every couple of days 

I got up early this morning to find that my blog design was all screwed up. (I also got up this morning and realized that someone TRIED hacking into my email, and my FB account.)My backgrounds were missing, my sig was missing, my button was missing. So I signed into my PB account that I used for my blog designs and apparently someone has signed into and deleted a lot of my stuff (nice!). Thank God I keep a file of that stuff, even though it takes up major space on my computer.

So,  if your blog design is all screwed up just let me know. I've kept a copy of all the final images from your blogs (if I've designed it). So I can fix it for you.

I guess giving people my password to my pb account wasn't a good idea. Someone has declared war against me (apparently). Fun, real fun!

30 Days of Truth....Day 2.

July 18, 2010

Something you love about yourself.

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm learning that there are a lot of things that I love about myself. A lot more than I thought. But at this moment, I think the thing that I love most about myself is that I'm still learning, and I'm still growing. (Not in size fools!)

I'm learning that I'm stronger than I thought I was. I'm learning that taking the high road isn't always the easiest thing, but it's always the best thing.

 I'm learning how to open up more. I'm learning how to speak my mind more. I'm learning that there is nothing wrong with having an opinion. That there's nothing wrong with stating my opinion.

I'm learning that I SUCK at sewing. I'm learning that a "refresher" course is definetly in my future. I'm learning that  my nerves get the best of me when I'm unsure of myself.

I'm learning that my husband is a very wise man. I'm learning that he has a lot of stuff he can teach me, about myself. About others. About life. I'm learning that just when I think that we can't get any closer than we already are, I'm wrong. I'm learning that he's the best friend that I've ever had!

I'm learning. I'm learning that I love learning.

30 Days of Truth....Day 1.

July 17, 2010

Y'all, I'm not one of those people who deletes their blog every time they get upset or someone pisses them off. Nor am I one of those people who says "I'm moving my blog" just to get attention.

The truth is, I can't get used to WP. At all. I'm comfy here. So...I've decided that I'm going to keep my blog here, and the one on WP. When I have something of a more "personal" nature, it will go on my WP blog.

We're all allowed to have our own voice, even on the net. This is mine. And this is home to me. I apologize for my moment of panic.

I found a new meme that I love. It's called 30 Days of Truth. I saw it in another blog (I'm so sorry I can't remember what blog it was, if it was yours please let me know so I can credit you!) and loved the idea. So along with the other meme's I'm doing, I'm going to be doing this one!

If you'd like to play along leave me a message and I'll send you the 30 Days info.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

When I first read this one I thought it was going to be super easy. No one is harder on me than I am. It's funny because last week Zgirl asked us to do the "15 Things I Love About Myself" thing. I told her that it would be hard for me to think of 15 things that I love about myself. That made her (Zgirl) sad, and when I thought about it, it made me sad too. When I sat down to do it, it was honestly really easy.

Finding something to hate about myself, not so easy lol. I mean, besides the obvious things. My weight, my looks, etc.

So, what do I hate about myself? I hate that I let other peoples opinions of me bother me. I hate that what they think of me is so important.

I've lived almost my entire life for other people. I did (or didn't do) things always with the thought of "What would (insert name here) think?" I made the choices that I was told to make. I always made "the right" choices. The right ones for everyone else.

You can't live your life for other people. For what other people are going to think about the life you're living. I'm me. You're you. That's what makes us all unique. The world would be a very boring place if we all lived the same life right?

There are some people out there that are going to disapprove of you no matter what you do. You can bend over backwards trying to please them but it wont work.

One of the great things about my husband is that he's teaching me how to just let go. To just be me.

I like it. I like it a lot.

It's not pretty....

July 16, 2010

As I said in yesterday's post, my blog has moved. I'll still post entries here, just to let you know there's a new entry on my "real" (new) blog.

I love it here at Blogger. I've finally figured out how to design layouts. I've made lots of new friends. I hate that I have to leave. But, there are reasons for the move. Mostly, privacy. I've learned in the last couple of days that I have to be more careful about who I let into my personal circle.

I've imported all my blog entries from here to the new blog. I hope you'll all follow me over to the new one! If you experience any problems, or you'd like the password, just leave me a comment here. Or email me if you have it. I'll warn you now though, I'm going to be VERY selective about who gets the password to todays entry. It's not anything against you, honestly I just don't know who to trust anymore.

Thanks for everything!

But I wont do that...

July 15, 2010

Just wanted to let you all know that my blog will be moving. We're (my blog and I) are moving to a more secure location. For those readers that I would like to follow me to the new blog, you'll receive an email with the new blog addy.

I hate that it's come to this. It's so hard when you lose trust in something/someone who has come to mean so much to you. It's like a bad break up almost. But I'm just going to rip the band aid off and do the damn thing.

Thank you all who have supported me thought this blog, and been there to laugh with me, and cry with me. You've all been so very helpful.

Keep an eye out for an email from me. It'll be coming soon!

Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol.....

This week Zgirl gave us the option of doing "adult beverages" or non alcoholic beverages and Y'ALL KNOW which one I picked right?? I AM a Cajun...we like to do it RIGHT!!

 What? Oh relax people, I only did it once! (teehee) Honey, they have a saying in Louisiana. "If your Grandmomma sneezes, that's a reason for us to throw a party!" And they do! I can't tell you how many times I've sat in a house, with no electricity, in the middle of a hurricane, drinking my ass off lol. Let's get to the drinks! I'm gonna give y'all some of my favorites!

Naughty School Girl

3/4 oz Captain Morgan® Parrot Bay mango rum
3/4 oz Smirnoff® Watermelon Twist vodka
3/4 oz pineapple juice

Shake ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Rim glass with Raspberry sugar.Strain into glass. My sister said the magazine that she found this recipe in garnished it with a lolipop but I'm not worried about candy when I'm drinking lol.

Cajun Bloody Mary - The most amazing Bloody Mary I've ever had was at Pat O'Briens in New Orleans. You can buy their bloody mary mix. If you're going to make them yourself I love, love, love Zing Zang Mix! It makes THE BEST bloody mary you'll ever make!! So I'm gonna give you the recipe for both of them!

Zing Zang Bloody Mary
Start off with Zing Zang mix (green label)
Then add your vodka....
Depending on your tastes....(hell...just add all of it!)
Black pepper
Sprinkle with celery salt on top. Garnish with a skewer of olives, add a couple of Tabasco spicy (green) beans or pickled okra, and a lime wedge. Enjoy.

Pat O'Briens Bloody Mary
1 oz Vodka
3 oz Pat O'Brien's Bloody Mary mix
Serve in Vino glass
Garnish with celery, cucumber and lime

 Up next we have the classic (Louisiana) drink...the hurricane. You can't go to NOLA without having one of them. You can buy the mix at Pat O'Briens too, but making your own is fun too!

 Hurricane, New Orleans Style r...
1 oz white rum
1 oz Jamaican dark rum
1 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
3 oz orange juice
3 oz unsweetened pineapple juice
1/2 oz grenadine syrup
crushed ice

Combine all ingredients, mix well (shake or stir). Pour over crushed ice in hurricane glass. Best enjoyed through a small straw. Garnish with fruit wedge and cherry if desired.

1/2 can Red Bull® energy drink
1 - 2 oz Jagermeister® herbal liqueur
Pour red bull into a medium sized glass. Add a shot glass of jagermeister, and chug.

 Equal amounts of Southern Comfort, Jack Daniels and 7 up into a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Strain into rock glasses. Now the fun part. Your bartender will usually put a piece of 2x4 on the bar, cover your glass with a napkin. Place palm over napkin and slam onto 2x4, discard napkin and SHOOT THAT BITCH! Yumm....love these!

X Rated Pink Lemonade
2 oz. Lemonade
1 oz. X-Rated Fusion Liqueur
1 oz. X-Rated Vodka
Served in a highball filled with ice. Garnish with a lemon wedge.

 Screaming Orgasm
 (trust me on this one, do NOT google this drink (for a pic) without adding the word "shot" after it! Ewwww.

1/4 oz vodka
1/4 oz amaretto liqueur
1/4 oz coffee liqueur
1/4 oz Irish cream liqueur
Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice.
Shake well.
Strain into a shot glass.

Whew...I sound like a total alcoholic with all of these lol. I'll be honest, when I go home I do tend to drink quite a bit. We celebrate my being home...a lot! Normally if I'm going to drink I'll just have a Crown and 7! Love that!

One of our BBM girls Dreamweaver  asked everyone to do an entry about what we do to help others, to inspire others. How do you pay it forward?

Honestly, I don't do these things as much since I moved here. I just don't know that many people here. But there is an elderly woman who lives across the street who is in one of those "little rascal" type of wheel chairs. She is in LOVE with our dogs. Anytime she's out side and she see's one of us she'll ask us where the dogs are. Sometimes, when I see her outside I'll take the dogs over there so she can pet them. I have to be careful though cause my dogs get too excited and I'm scared that they'll scratch her! She loves it though, she'll sit there and laugh the whole time, and talk to the dogs!! So sweet!

I found out yesterday that Kimber probably isn't going to be able to come down and meet me when I go home (to Louisiana) in September! Bummer!! So Deann is most likely out, Kimber is most likely out! Leah, looks like it's just you and me!!