Is it really "laundry day?"

With all the cleaning I've been doing it's got me wonderin' what all of YOUR "quirks" are when it comes to cleaning. I have so many "quirks" and hangups that it's a wonder I get anything done. No...I'm serious! Haha! I've often wondered if people are the same way about laundry as I am. Then I started writing this up and realized that I'm not just weird about laundry, I think I'm a bit anal about it lol.

I'm a lazy person. Tis' true! I hate doing laundry. Ok..I don't hate doing laundry, I hate putting laundry away. Folding laundry runs a close second to that! I've got so much laundry to put away right now it's not even funny.

I'll never forget the first time Mr Man saw me doing laundry he asked me "What the hell are you doing?" haha.You see, when I take clothes out of the washing machine, I take it out one.piece.at.a.time. I have to take out each piece of clothing, (or towels, or dog blankets...in other words, it doesn't matter what's in there...I still do this) I shake each piece out a couple of times real hard and then I throw it in the dryer, then I grab the next piece...you get the picture!

Anywhere'smydamnmaid...when hubby asked me "what in the hell are you doing" I told him that that's how my Mom made us do laundry...the clothes don't wrinkle as much if you do this. And he was like..."Woah...I never thought of that!" Now....honestly, when he said that all I could think was "duhhh! I mean it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out!" (haha...sorry honey!) But it got me to thinking...does everyone else do that or am I just weird because my Momma raised me that way?? (SHUT UP!)

So now you know my little "shake 'em out" routine, so I'll fill you in on more things that I've realized I'm pretty anal about when it comes to launry/cleaning. I've notcied something lately that hubby does (with the laundry) that is driving me batty! We buy those really big jugs of Gain (gotta have the Gain...my laundry smells yummy!), you know the ones with the little spout where you just push the button??

 OMG...seriously! These were the ONLY pics I could find of the big jugs on Google, can I just say I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw these pics. There is no way in hell this bottle would EVER be in my house looking like that! I actually found these pics in another blog. The blog owner had done an entry about how messy they are....and I quote "No matter which way you try to pour the darn thing, it still makes a BIG mess."

Are you serious? Ummm...you're supposed to use the spout. The blog owner said that the "spout" is really an air vent! I laughed my ass off. No matter if you're pouring it out of the bottle or not...wipe that shit off when you're done! That's just nasty! OK...so I got a bit off track! Back to hubby driving me batty and my big ass bottles of laundry detergent.

I ALWAYS buy this size bottle....it's easier than having to run to wally world every couple of weeks for a new bottle. Not to mention it's easy to just to open up the cabinet, grab the cap and fill it up! I don't have to pick up anything besides the little lid. Ahh...the lid, this is where my issue is!

Wellll...see Mr Man will grab the lid, fill er' up, throw the detergent in the washer and put the cap back up in the cabinet next to the bottle. Without.washing.it.out. I mean, come on dude...the effin' water is running, RIGHT THERE where you're putting your hand to put the shit in the washer!

Really? Does someone really have to point that out? That grosses me out when I go to do laundry and there's still some detergent in the cap, starting to dry up....uugh, nasty!

Lol...ok now that I'm typing all of this up I'm realizing maybe I AM weird. I said maybe bish...hush it! haha. My other "weird" laundry "habits?" Here's a short list...

When I shake those clothes out, if there are jeans in there I've got to put my hand in each of the front pockets (to straighten them out) before I can put them in the dryer. I also do this when they come out of the dryer, while I'm folding them! There is nothing I hate more than putting on a pair of jeans and the pockets are all jacked up! (The same goes for pj pants, jogging pants...anything with pockets!!

I do not go through pockets. If you've left something in your pocket, unless it's sticking out to the point that I can see it...it's going in the washer! Yeah...sometimes I hear the change in the pockets but see, I clean my pockets out before I put my clothes in there. If you don't want your change getting washed....clean out your pockets.

I do not turn clothes right side out. If you put them in the hamper inside out...chances are they're coming out that way. Be happy that I don't hang them up inside out....I've done it before!

And (one of) the worst one? (This one totally makes my skin crawl!) Those f*ckin' balled up socks! My Son is the WORST when it comes to this! I will throw those damn socks away before I'm stickin' my hands in there to straighten them out! Awww hell NAWW!

I can't tell you how many times I've thrown those damn socks in the washer just like that...ok...so I was being spiteful and trying to teach someone a lesson, and yeah...so it took until he moved out on his own for him to learn! Now...he's just as freaky as I am about his laundry! lol....stop the madness!

Usually when I'd throw his socks in the washer like that, they'd come out just like that. So they'd go in the dryer just.like.that. And when they came out of the dryer? F*ck...so the kid had balls of socks to put away, and yeah...sometimes they didn't come all that clean.

I didn't have to stick my feet in the damn things (*shudder*)...I KNEW how to put my socks in the laundry! hehehe...sorry you had to wear nasty ass socks because your ass was too lazy to take them out of a ball Son!

And lastly(is that a word?)...the lint filter. We have two dogs, with short hair. They.shed.a.effin'.lot.damn.it. Especially if I have to wash their blankets because that bish Bonsai wont stop pissing in her kennel in the middle of the night! I could make a new dog out of the hair that comes off those blankets.

When I take them out of the washer (yes damn it! I shake them out too!) I have to wipe the inside of the washer off just to get the (a G damn ball of) hair out of it. Then when they come out of the dryer...the lint filter is so full of hair you can't even see through the damn thing!

God...why did I get started on the dog hair? It would seriously gross you out if I showed you how much hair I sweep up in this house. I usually sweep every other day and and it's a dust pan full of (nasty ass) dog hair.

 (not my dog, but I swear I could make a new dog with all the hair I pull out of the dryer vent!)

Mr Sexy and I have stopped buying black clothesl. We look a hot damn mess if we wear dark colors. Unless we get dress and leave before we can sit down.

I used to have a Yorkie. He weighed 5lbs 1oz. I swear....that dog did NOT shed. His hair was down to the floor...he could climb in my lap and roll all over me and I wouldn't have a hair on me. The pugs?? If they look at me I get hair all over my clothes. Grrr

We just bought a new vacuume cleaner a couple of months ago, it's one of those bagless one's that has the little container that you just take out and dump. Everytime I vacuume I take that little container and the air filter on the vacumme cleaner (everytime I vacuume it (the f*ckin' dog hair) fills the filter up and clogs it!) and I wash it. With pinsol. Every. Time.

Woah...I'm a weird, anal retentive crazy dog lady aint I? When the fudge did that happen? Lol... I could go on and on with my list of weird cleaning "habits" but I'm sure you're tired of hearing about my mess anyway!

So now...I need to know! I've got to know. Please, for my sanity...what weird "rituals" do you have when you clean house?

I saw this video the other night...I was up all night! Anyway...I'm in love with this one! Sounds so soulful!

Another reason why I'll never win a parent of the year award....

Oh what fun it is! If you haven't played along go check out Travis' blog  I Like To Fish and join in on the fun!

When my son was in Kindergarten he went to a very small (elementary) school. There was one class for each grade. The school was having a parents banquet, basically it was a parent teacher conference with all the other parents and their kids there at the same time lol. Rusty’s Dad and I were really excited to see what Rusty had been learning about in class and to see how he was doing.

One of the projects that the kids did for the parents was a life size silhouette of themselves. Their teacher (who looked like the Nutty Professor only scarier! I was scared of the man and I’m an adult. Shut up!) hung these huge pieces of paper on the wall, stood the kids in front of it, traced their outlines and then the kids had to “draw” themselves in. Once the kids were finished with them they were hung all around the cafeteria for all the parents to see. The parents were going to be allowed to bring them home at the end of the banquet.

So we got to the cafeteria and there were parents every where. Rusty has us both by the hands…he couldn’t wait for us to see his “picture” that he’d been telling us about since we left the house. We finally make our way to Rusty’s silhouette and I’m looking at it and for the life of me I can’t figure out why his mouth looks like a rectangle with jagged edges on the end’s of it. His Dad and I are looking at each other like WTH?? But we’re telling him how great it looks, telling him how good of a job we thought he did and all the good stuff parents are supposed to say. So finally I couldn’t take it anymore I had to ask “Rusty, what is that on your mouth?” And in all of the innocence that a five year old has he says “Duct tape!!” Well…it shocked the hell out of me lol. So I said (so loud that every parent within a two foot radius heard me) “WHAT?” Lol…and he says “I like duct tape! I thought it would look cool!” (I swear to God I’ve NEVER put duct tape or any other kind of tape on my child’s mouth!) Needless to say (the nutty professor) his teacher asked to speak with us. He thought it was hilarious. Thank God he was also Rusty’s Dad’s sixth grade teacher when he was in school, so he knew that it wasn’t anything to be worried about. Honestly though, I never felt right around him (the teacher) again! Lol… But you know he went home at told that story over and over again!

Another time when Rusty was 5 or 6 we were at a friends house sitting on the side of the pool with our legs in the water, Rusty was sitting next to me splashing his legs. A butterfly landed between us and Rusty got all excited! He’s telling me “Shhh…..lets just watch it!” Well I went to pick the butterfly up by it’s wings, I was gonna give Rusty a better view of it. Well…he grabbed my hands so hard you would have thought he was trying to break them! He was SO MAD at me!! (I can’t help but giggle as I type this!) He looks at me with this face that was SO SERIOUS and he says “Noooo Momma! You’re gonna rub the butter off of it!!” Well, me and the friend that we were visiting both busted out laughing! Rusty got mad at us, he just couldn’t understand why we thought rubbing the butter off of the butterflies was so funny! Lol…

Some days I miss him being that little! And then I wake up and I get over that shit quick!! He’s just as funny now but not in that five year old funny kind of way!

What would you do? Lessons learned!

 

When my son was two I started dating (my ex of 12 years)  this guy who had two young daughters (5 and 6) who were a huge part of his life. Our first "alone" (without kids) was two months into our dating. Their Mom crackhead didn't care what her kids were doing when she had them. At 6 years old his oldest daughter could pick out clothes for herself and her sister, get both of them dressed, hair fixed, shoes on...ready to go.

Anykids...my son was two. We moved in with him. We had his girls every weekend, which was cool with me! I loved them like they were my own. (I fell in love with his kids before I fell in love with him) At 5 years old his youngest daughter used to carry around this little purse that she had all kinds of "junk" in. One day my son was in their playroom playing by himself and all of a sudden I heard him crying. So I went to check on him. OMFG!!!

Apparently the ex's 5 year old had a tube of Superglue in her purse. My son used to watch me put on make up all the time. Do ya see where I'm going with this?? Yup...he superglue his eyes closed. He stood there trying to pull his eyes open and screaming the entire time! OMFG!!!

(Not my son, but this is kinda what he looked like except he was pulling down on his eyes, not pulling his hair!) 

I went into full on panic Mommy mode. I didn't know what to do first! Lmao...I ran around my house with him in my arms trying to figure out what in the fuck I needed to do. So I did what any self respecting first time Mommy would do...I called my Momma!! Lmao...here's the conversation:

Mom: "hello?"
Me: "OMFG Momma!!! Rusty super glued his eyes closed!! I don't know what to do!"
Mom: "Well Blondie...BRING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!"
Me: "OMFG!! I didn't even think of that!!" (Really...I was so panicked that I honestly hadn't even thought of that!!"
Mom: "Keep in touch with me and let me know what they say!"
Me: "OMFG!! OK!!"

So I run out to the car, get him into his car seat and drive the mile and a half to the hospital! Keep in mind, my son is still screaming the entire time trying to pull his eyes open.

So I run into the ER with him in my arms, screaming trying to pull his eyes open! The nurse says "Can I help you?" So I tell her "OMFG!! He found some superglue and glued his eyes closed!!!" They immediately take him to the back. The doctor is laughing his ass off. He told me "I've seen a lot of things come through those doors, but this one is a new one for me! Lol!!"

I did NOT see the humor at the time. I felt like the worst Mother in the world. I had no idea that my 5 year old step daughters Mom (I use that term loosely when referring to her!! Crackhead) would let her FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER have a tube of superglue. Who does that?

Needless to say, after much sedation, they put some kind of salve on his eyes to get them open. They then numbed his eyeballs and scraped all the glue off his eyeballs. By the time they were finished his eyes were swollen but OK. They had to put him on antibiotics and drops for the pain. They said he would be fine.

Moral of the story? Never trust what another Mother crackhead will let their children have. And never trust when your child is playing quietly...they're up to something... the little fuckers!

Lmao...play along people!

The Blonde Episodes....

Today I've decided that since the sun is shining and I'm in such a wonderful mood that I'd laugh at myself. I'm a notorious blonde. How blonde am I?

*I once got a round brush stuck in my hair. Stuck so bad that we had to cut it out, which wouldn't be so bad but it was stuck in the very front of my head...in my bangs...stuck to the scalp. I had to go to my hair dresser the next day so she could fix the shit. (This was not the first time this happened to me!)

*I once drove away from the gas pump with the nozzle still in my gas tank. The nozzle popped off of the gas pump and that's when I realized what I'd done. I hurried up, jumped out of my car, put the nozzle back on the pump and got the hell out of there! Can you imagine what it must have cost to fix that damn thing?

*When hubby and I got married we rented a house down at the OBX (Outer Banks, NC...beach) for a week and got married on the beach. It was very casual, and amazing! Hubby and I walked on the beach every day, I wanted to find a sand dollar! I was obsessed with finding one. One afternoon Hubby, FIL, and I were standing out on the deck when I looked down and saw this...

 

Do you see what I see? OMG...it's a sand dollar! I was so damn excited that I ran down the four flights of stairs in the house to get it. Getting closer...

 

I was totally breathless but I was on a mission! I was getting that sand dollar!!

 

It's a fuckin' potato chip. Are you kidding me? I was so pissed (and had a lack of oxygen) that I wanted to cry! Hubby and FIL stood up on the deck looking down on me and laughed their asses off.

*Another afternoon Hubby, FIL, MIL and I were all standing out on the deck watching the dolphins in the water. And I'm watching them and all of a sudden this HUGE dolphin comes up. So I said to them "Man...that's a big fuckin' dolphin!!" (cause I'm so ladylike!) Hubby speaks up and says "That's a whale baby!" What?? I'm a coon ass! I've never seen a damn whale in real life. Stop laughing.

*When my ex and I were still together we went out with a bunch of friends and my sister and her hubby one night. The ex and I got so drunk that one of my BIL's friends drove us home and my Sister and her hubby picked the friend up at my house and they left. The next morning the ex and I woke up and he went outside to feed the dog. He came back in the house and said "Where's you car?" So being the smart ass that I am I said "It's outside!" Well, needless to say my car was gone! So I'm thinking BIL's friend has stolen my car. I reported the car stolen. The police showed up at my house to take a report. The cop was looking at me like "Uh huh, sure....your car was stolen!" (Thinking I wrecked my car and left the scene of the accident and was reporting it stolen to cover my ass!) So a couple of hours later the cop shows back up at my house and says "Mrs ****** your car wasn't stolen. Apparently you put it in the ditch in front of your house. An officer was driving by and saw your car sticking half way out of the ditch and half way in the road. The car was still running and the lights were on but the doors were locked. The officers spent two hours looking in the fields all around your house for a body, thinking that someone was hurt and tried to get help. We called you twice last night and asked you to come and move your car. You spoke with the dispatcher both times. You told her you were coming out to move the car, but apparently you fell back asleep both times. So we had to have the car towed."

I'm looking at this cop like he's done lost his damn mind!! Apparently I decided that I hadn't had enough partying and I wanted to go meet my sister and her hubby and friends at the other bar they went to. Apparently I put my car in the ditch and went back in the house and went to bed. And this my friends is why I will never EVER drink shots of Southern Comfort EVER again! What?? Like this hasn't happened to all of you before?? Lol...

Seriously...I've never been a "drinking and driving" kind of person. I do NOT have any memory of getting in my car that night...NONE!! They couldn't give me a DUI (though I was still partially drunk!) because they didn't see me in the car. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I was! I'm a huge fan of MADD. I'm the kind of person who would leave my car if I had more than two drinks, I'd either get someone else to bring me home, sleep at someone's house, or call a cab!

 If I thought really hard (that's an oxymoron for a blonde) I could probably come up with more "blonde episodes" but I think I've given you enough to laugh at in one day! Someday  I'll have to tell you all about my BFF in Louisiana. She's just as blonde as me...if not worse!! Blonde is a state of mind...not a haircolor!

So...how blonde are you?

I recently joined the Be A Match Bone Marrow Donor Registry. It was super simple. They sent me a kit with four swabs, all I had to do was swab the inside of my mouth, put the swabs in the envelope they provided and mailed it back. If you're interested in joining you can go here and order the kit. It's free.