The Blonde Episodes....

March 5, 2010

Today I've decided that since the sun is shining and I'm in such a wonderful mood that I'd laugh at myself. I'm a notorious blonde. How blonde am I?

*I once got a round brush stuck in my hair. Stuck so bad that we had to cut it out, which wouldn't be so bad but it was stuck in the very front of my head...in my bangs...stuck to the scalp. I had to go to my hair dresser the next day so she could fix the shit. (This was not the first time this happened to me!)

*I once drove away from the gas pump with the nozzle still in my gas tank. The nozzle popped off of the gas pump and that's when I realized what I'd done. I hurried up, jumped out of my car, put the nozzle back on the pump and got the hell out of there! Can you imagine what it must have cost to fix that damn thing?

*When hubby and I got married we rented a house down at the OBX (Outer Banks, NC...beach) for a week and got married on the beach. It was very casual, and amazing! Hubby and I walked on the beach every day, I wanted to find a sand dollar! I was obsessed with finding one. One afternoon Hubby, FIL, and I were standing out on the deck when I looked down and saw this...

 

Do you see what I see? OMG...it's a sand dollar! I was so damn excited that I ran down the four flights of stairs in the house to get it. Getting closer...

 

I was totally breathless but I was on a mission! I was getting that sand dollar!!

 

It's a fuckin' potato chip. Are you kidding me? I was so pissed (and had a lack of oxygen) that I wanted to cry! Hubby and FIL stood up on the deck looking down on me and laughed their asses off.

*Another afternoon Hubby, FIL, MIL and I were all standing out on the deck watching the dolphins in the water. And I'm watching them and all of a sudden this HUGE dolphin comes up. So I said to them "Man...that's a big fuckin' dolphin!!" (cause I'm so ladylike!) Hubby speaks up and says "That's a whale baby!" What?? I'm a coon ass! I've never seen a damn whale in real life. Stop laughing.

*When my ex and I were still together we went out with a bunch of friends and my sister and her hubby one night. The ex and I got so drunk that one of my BIL's friends drove us home and my Sister and her hubby picked the friend up at my house and they left. The next morning the ex and I woke up and he went outside to feed the dog. He came back in the house and said "Where's you car?" So being the smart ass that I am I said "It's outside!" Well, needless to say my car was gone! So I'm thinking BIL's friend has stolen my car. I reported the car stolen. The police showed up at my house to take a report. The cop was looking at me like "Uh huh, sure....your car was stolen!" (Thinking I wrecked my car and left the scene of the accident and was reporting it stolen to cover my ass!) So a couple of hours later the cop shows back up at my house and says "Mrs ****** your car wasn't stolen. Apparently you put it in the ditch in front of your house. An officer was driving by and saw your car sticking half way out of the ditch and half way in the road. The car was still running and the lights were on but the doors were locked. The officers spent two hours looking in the fields all around your house for a body, thinking that someone was hurt and tried to get help. We called you twice last night and asked you to come and move your car. You spoke with the dispatcher both times. You told her you were coming out to move the car, but apparently you fell back asleep both times. So we had to have the car towed."

I'm looking at this cop like he's done lost his damn mind!! Apparently I decided that I hadn't had enough partying and I wanted to go meet my sister and her hubby and friends at the other bar they went to. Apparently I put my car in the ditch and went back in the house and went to bed. And this my friends is why I will never EVER drink shots of Southern Comfort EVER again! What?? Like this hasn't happened to all of you before?? Lol...

Seriously...I've never been a "drinking and driving" kind of person. I do NOT have any memory of getting in my car that night...NONE!! They couldn't give me a DUI (though I was still partially drunk!) because they didn't see me in the car. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I was! I'm a huge fan of MADD. I'm the kind of person who would leave my car if I had more than two drinks, I'd either get someone else to bring me home, sleep at someone's house, or call a cab!

 If I thought really hard (that's an oxymoron for a blonde) I could probably come up with more "blonde episodes" but I think I've given you enough to laugh at in one day! Someday  I'll have to tell you all about my BFF in Louisiana. She's just as blonde as me...if not worse!! Blonde is a state of mind...not a haircolor!

So...how blonde are you?



I recently joined the Be A Match Bone Marrow Donor Registry. It was super simple. They sent me a kit with four swabs, all I had to do was swab the inside of my mouth, put the swabs in the envelope they provided and mailed it back. If you're interested in joining you can go here and order the kit. It's free.
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17 comments:

Dee said...

LMAO Those are great. I have so many "blond" moments, even though I'm a redhead. I always use the excuse, "Well my mother is blond!!!"

{Kimber} said...

baaaaaahhhhhaaaaaa!!
I am home sick today and this made me LOL!!
I love your new background and I too have gotten a round brush STUCK IN MY HAIR {in the back though}

MommyLovesStilettos said...

That last story made me pee my pants a little. SO FUNNY!!!!!

singedwingangel said...

Alrighty then.. too funny. I have gotten a round brush in my hair I hate those ding dang things...

Me-Me King said...

I'm blond so I can definitely relate. These are wonderful!

Have a great weekend! :-)

Debbie said...

Funny funny funny! Glad you are into the MADD thing too, I lost two cousins from Drinking and Driving, big pet peeve of mine....I would take a cab...now we have a bar in our house, so why go out!!~

blueviolet said...

OH MY GOSH! You cracked me up completely! I was SO hoping for the sand dollar...like some kind of cool romantic thing to happen. I can't believe that was a chip!

Danielle said...

My only question is, do you really say coons ass? Lol

That One Mom said...

My favorite uncle lost his life to leukemia. Everyone should register on the bone marrow registry.

Danica said...

Too freaking funny!!! Love it!

starnes family said...

Great stories. Love the sand dollar one!

Meeko Fabulous said...

I don't know what's sadder . . . The fact that I laughed really hard at all those or the fact that it took me a minute to get them . . . LoL! :)

The Boob Nazi said...

hahaha the first one cracked me up!

Chelle said...

I don't buy round brushes for that exact reason...lol!

And I laughed so hard about the potato chip!

Haha!

xoxo

Lluvia said...

LMAO!!!
my fave was the one about your car in a ditch! i've taken my top off drubk. never again. sorry abt my grammar have baby

Joann Mannix said...

I am so blonde, it's pitiful. It gives my family great entertainment, though. Your episodes might just take the cake.

Scraps said...

The sand dollar story is giving me ideas for my brother's beach wedding next month (only St George Island is lousy w/sand dollars, lol)

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