Wish me luck....

March 9, 2010

I’m taking the plunge! Today I have a doctors appointment and I’m going to ask the doctor for a Rx of Chantix so I can try to quit smoking. Do I want to quit? Yes…and no. I do want to quit. I watch my Mom pass away from lung cancer. Honestly I’m tired of being “chained” to cigarettes.

It’s such a habit for me. The minute I get into my car…I light a cigarette. The minute I wake up in the morning…I light a cigarette. The minute I finish eating…I light a cigarette. When I’m sitting here with my laptop I usually have a cigarette burning away in the ashtray, it’s not like I can take my hands off the keyboard long enough to smoke an entire one.

My smoking has gotten out of hands recently though. Hubby will buy us both a carton of cigarettes, he will have 4 or 5 packs left and I’ve finished my carton. I’m smoking roughly two and a half packs a day. It’s just getting to be too much. I know that me not working, and not going to school has a lot to do with how much I’ve been smoking. I’m home all day unless I go tanning or have therapy.

My son HATES that I smoke, he always has. I would love nothing more than going home to see him and telling him I’m a non smoker, for the first time since I was 13 years old. He would be so proud of me. Hell I’d be proud of me.

Our insurance (Tricare and we have a supplemental insurance, so I usually don’t have to pay anything when I go to the doctor and I pay very little for my Rx’s!) does not cover Chantix. So we have to pay cash for it. It’s $160 for the first months supply. I’m so afraid that we’re gonna pay that much money for it and it’s not going to work. That I’m going to disappoint my hubby. That I’m going to disappoint myself. But…I’ve got to try.

I’m not sure if my doctor will give me Chantix though. The last time I asked her about it she said she wanted to get the Fibromyalgia under control before I even tried to quit smoking. I’m worried she’s gonna say no again.

I’ll be honest with y’all, just typing this out has made me anxious. Just thinking about quitting is making me feel like I’m gonna have an anxiety attack. Isn’t that awful?

I’ve always said I want to quit for all the right reasons, but I like smoking. But…I don’t want my Son to have to watch me suffer the way I watched my Mom suffer when she was dying. That’s the worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life.

Hubby took Chantix a couple of years ago. He quit after a week and a half. It didn’t bother him when I smoked around him. He eventually started smoking again. I’m worried that I’m not going to be able to have him smoking around me. It’s gonna take everything I have in me, and the meds to help me quit. That’s really not fair to him, but I’m sure he’ll understand!

Anyway…wish me luck! I’m gonna need every single ounce of it!!!
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27 comments:

Danica said...

Good luck to you!!! My mom also died from lung cancer. I hope you are able to quit. Wishing you luck!

singedwingangel said...

I hear ya.. I too am a smoker and I cut way back and almost had it licked, then I went nuts. My mom was a smoker for over 30 years. She just laid them down one day and began walking when she wanted one. She would walk and sing praise songs, walk and pray but walking was the key. Ihave signed up for a gym. I can walk my driveway now that it is warmer. they have proven that doing exercise gives you the endorphines that smoking gives you and it quiets the urges..I will bakc you 110% shoot me an email holler at me whatever you want.. We can do this together...

June said...

Quitting is so hard!
I understand what battle you are facing but it is worth the fight!!

Maybe Hubby will quit in order to support your decision. Think of the money you will save.

Anxiety over quitting is not uncommon or having anxiety attacks after quitting.
Talk it out with your Dr.
I wish you the best and stay strong - this is a great decision.

Lafe's Hidden Treasures said...

Good for you, wish I would take the leap. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Have a great day.

{Kimber} said...

good luck to you!! I had a friend who quit on it and never started back!! you can do it :)

MommyLovesStilettos said...

I need to quit too! I tried Chantix but it gave me wicked nightmares.

GOOD LUCK. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Debbie said...

Best wishes, Chantix does work! You are a heavy smoker my dear, I am too am a former smoker....Chantix works but you have some weird weird dreams, not bad just weird. Make sure you take it on a full stomach too, as you may have stomach upset. You can do it!!~

Candice said...

Best of luck to you! I really wish you the best.

My Grandpa died of lung cancer from smoking one too many lucky Strikes. Trust me, it's not a pretty way to go, and it's not the picture that you want to leave your family with in the end.

It will be hard, but everything worth doing in life usually is.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

BTW, I'm digging the new background. :)

blueviolet said...

You are thinking on the right lines. You want to live a long, healthy life. Do it for YOU!!!! Do it because you want to be around to see your kids and their kids and their kids!

I hope your doc says yes!

The Boob Nazi said...

Good luck! You can do it!!!

Once A Mother said...

Sending you lots of good luck and encouragement. For what it's worth, chew Big Red gum. It really helps curb those cravings. :)

Dee said...

Good luck! I'm a smoker. And even though I know it's bad for me, I don't want to quit. Until the desire is there, I know it would be useless to try.

MindyMom said...

Good luck! I'm sure it must be hard but SO worth it.

Danielle said...

Good for you! I hope it works and if it does, that $160.00 will be the best you have ever spent!
Sending you good luck!

Conquer The Monkey said...

I am praying for you that this will do the trick!!!!!!! You will be SO glad you did, GOOD LUCK MAMACITA!!!!! KEEP US POSTED!
Cameron

SafeHomeHappyMom said...

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Low Expectations said...

Good for you!!! Good luck! It sounds like you are in a good place to do this.

WhisperingWriter said...

Good luck!!

That is awesome that you are trying to quit.

FROGGITY! said...

GO GIRL GO!!!!

that's awesome.

uhhh... your doctor BETTER help you quit if you want to quit! i have heard good things about chantix, and it's a big deal right there when you make up your mind to stop you need to go with the feeling!

Southern Sage said...

Good luck for sure!! Its going to be tough but in the end it will be worth it!

Chelle said...

I am SO proud of you!!! I quit a few years ago and I won't lie. It sucked balls. But now? I feel better than ever. I can BREATHE! I'm not hacking crap up all of the time.

My Grandpa is dying of lung cancer. I hate it. It sucks. And to have to see my Dad so sad breaks my heart.

I'm here for you if you need anything. K?

xo

Debbie said...

Thought you could use some cheering up, I have something for you over at my blog!!~

Lluvia said...

Oh best of luck to you!! My mother smoked for so many years and then one day, she just quit. It was really weird. I have 6 other siblings and only my oldest brother smokes. The rest of us didn't even start.

I tried it, but I never go into it.
It was really hard for my mom, but she stuck to it, and she is now free. I wish you good luck!!!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I am like you. I LIKE smoking and my dad had lung cancer as well. I have thought about Chantix, but just not ready yet...Good luck...you can do it!!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Good luck! I know it is so hard.

Aren't there awful side effects to that drug?

Small Town Girl said...

Don't do the Chantix! It will make you crazy! Go to www.vapor4life.com. I smoked for 10 years (I know that's not as long as you), and it's the only thing that got me to quit. I did the gum, lozenges, chantix, patches, cold turkey, etc. etc. etc. Both of my parents quit too. I will still have a cigarette occasionally like on the weekends, but I don't have to have a whole pack. Just one.... and it tastes like shit when I do it, but whatever!

Jen said...

Good luck. I am scared more of Chantix than I am of smoking. I know many people who used hypnosis and never smoked again. You might want to try that first. Either way, good luck, the first two weeks are the hardest but once you make it through them it gets really easy.

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