I know you like it...

March 30, 2010

I haven't been feeling well for the last couple of days, the weather has my muscles screaming in protest so I haven't been feeling like doing much of anything. I've been up since Monday morning...not a wink of sleep!
So...since I'm not feeling my "normal" shut up self I'm doing another one of my "Well huh!" entries. Why "well huh?" That would be beca

A friend of mine and I were talking last night and she was telling me about this TERRIBLE pick up line that she got the other night while she was out at a club. It made me think of the worst pick up line I've ever gotten! Would you like to know the worst pick up line I've ever gotten was? (Sure you do!)

Said in one of the WORST country hick accents I've ever heard: (think of Larry the Cable Guy, now that I think of it he kind of looked like him too, just add a cowboy hat!)

"Hot damn darlin'!! How 'bout I take you out to my pick up so I can brand your ass??? My reply? (For some reason this too was said in a country hick accent..I have no idea why!)

"Well DAMN Tex!! I just got my ass branded last night, right out in the parking lot, WAIT...that wasn't you was it? No...it couldn't have been you! I woke up this morning with more than just my ass hurting *wink,wink* But aren'tyou a doll for asking anyway!" He stumbled off mumbling something about a fuckin' bitch but I can't imagine who he was talking about!!

*Why do men sound like a f*ckin' elephant when they blow their noses? Oh come on! You know you've noticed it too!

 *I saw a commerical last night for some eye drops, at the end of the commerical they were saying what the side effects are and then they said "Not approved for Herpes viral infections of the eye." You can get herpes in your eyes??? Dayum!! Imagine explaining that one! "Well you see, what I was doin' was..."

Shrimp Taco's at Taco bell...
Because you'd love to eat shrimp that's been sitting out all day.  Yeah...don't worry about food poisoning hun! That makes about as much sense as their "Drive Thru Diet!"
This is the pic on their web site:

 Wow! That's some big ol' shrimp there!
This is a pic of the "same taco from a review blog:

Umm...what the hell and why?? Though their web site does say that they're good for 100's of uses!

Dog/Kitty Wigs
People if you have enough money to buy a wig for your cats, adopt me yo...for realz!!
  (This one just screams Bob Marley!)

This dog is dreaming of killing you when it sleeps!

I had a teacher with a "rug" like this!

Is it just me or does she remind you of Paris Hilton??

The Drib
It's a driving bib! Are you really that messy of an eater?

Wine glass holder necklace
Ok so I'm not even going to make a joke about this one! I can think of a few occasions where this could come in handy! Hell...they're stylish too!

Mobile Massage System
Cause everyone wants to look like a Ninja Turtle right?

It's a ghetto hot tub y'all! Wurd!

Wonder Sauna Hot Pants
It's a party in your pants yo!

Off Road Commode
It hooks to your trailer hitch Bubba! Golly boy...you're moving up in the world! Hot damn! Next thing you know you'll be gettin' a cement pond!

Designer Plunger
What color would you pick??

Because you can never have too much nothing!

Lifegem Created Diamond
Don't know what to do with Mom's ashes? Give that bitch your finger!!

Cremation Solutions
Need an urn for hubby's ashes? Well gurl...have we got a treat for you! We can make you an urn that is an exact replica of his head, they come in three sizes too. I would suggest the full sized version, it's the size of hubbys head and large enough to hold all of his ass! Personally...I'd use that bitch as a cookie jar!

Chair Socks
Hey...maybe their feet are cold! All the other chairs in your neighborhood will be jealous!!

Nasty Bags
Tired of your co workers eating your lunch? Try these handy sandwhich bags with "mold spots" built in.

Gucci Ice Trays
Well everythin else you own is covered in those sweet G's, you just HAVE to have these too right?

Bacon Vodka
Pure.Refreshing.Bacon! Oooo weee! We's gonna party tonight bubba! Now hand me that Baby Back Rib flavored beer! Gaww!

And last but not least...Makin' Bacon!! It's bacon flavored lube!! For fucks sake people...no really!! It IS for fucks sake! I'm all about the flavors but bacon? That's just wrong on so many levels! 

Hope you all have a great day!


Red said...

Wow. I thought I had a reply. But after scrolling down to the end...I'm just speechless.

I DO want one of those hottubs though!

June said...

Pinkus & I just went to Taco Hell yesterday and saw the shrimp tacos... that is just wrong! No way in hell would I try one of these.

Now the ashes turned into a gemstone might not be such a bad idea!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

LMFAO @ that pick up line!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Danica said...

LMAO You always know how to make me laugh!!!! Too much.

{Kimber} said...

I will admit this to you {and all your readers} those handerpants look so cool!!!!!! Maybe my love of the 80's but they remind me of MJ's glove or Madonna's glove things...anywho..don't judge! :)

Leiah said...

My grandpa had herpes in his eyes and it was horrible. We had never heard of it before either but the dr said he probably got it from touching his eyes after touching a fever blister. Weird huh? And that bacon vodka would be great in a spicy bloody mary I'm thinking. In fact, I'm thinking I want one right now. LOL!

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo where so you find this stuff?? And the last one would fit in Larry the cable guys monologue cause he does say he wants some biscuits and gravy flavored edible underwear lol

Dee Stephens said...

love the wine glass holder! Where do you find this stuff?? lol

Christina Lee said...

I am so sorry you're not sleeping or feeling well-- but you sure did put a HUGE smile on my face!!!!!!!!!! I just did a local story for the newspaper on a candy shop that makes chocolate covered bacon. Very popular!

Scraps said...

The wine holder? Last year's Fl Wine Festival (didn't make it to this years, stupid schedule conflict) they had something similar only it was a plastic thingie on a cord and didn't look like some scrunchie made from curtains.

The chair socks, though? I totally adore the grey argyle ones. Those are adorable and I bet they totally muffle chair scraping noises.

Ian said...

Chair socks? Now I've seen it all.

Ian said...

I'm back again with a better comment. The last one was. Well.


Bacon lube? That's fucking awesome. Who doesn't like to hide the smell of ass with bacon?

I'm ordering that shit, stat!

Meeko Fabulous said...

Bacon flavored lube??? Wow . . . My favorite is watermelon. LoL!!!

Candice said...

Where do you find this shit? ;)

I like the pug rug. Looks like Tom Brokaw.

Small Town Girl said...

I've said it before....I'll say it again. I always learn something new reading your posts. You had me at herpes of the eyes...LMAO...I'm going to have to stop reading you at work. Seriously, people are wondering what's wrong with me.

Danielle said...

You know how one gets herpies in their eyes don't cha?
Look for love in all the wrong places!

Louisiana Belle said...

When I'm feeling sick I am not nice or creative. How do you manage to come up with this hilarious post? And where do you find this stuff? TFF

Stacie's Madness said...

that hot tub is...um hot...but the hot tub pants, YEEEAAAHHHH! Put the kiddies to bed...it's on.

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

As someone who has lived their entire life near the ocean, there's no way on God's green earth I would eat a shrimp taco from Taco Bell! Can you imagine the diarrhea?!

The rest of those things are so frekin hilarious, where in the world to you find all this stuff?

FROGGITY! said...

every time i pass a taco bell, i throw up in my mouth a little bit... not b/c of the other stuff... but the thought of taco bell shrimp is DIS-NASTY-GUSTING...

this post cracks me up!!

bananas. said...

did you really say that back to the hick guy?! oh man, you just got yourself the "most awesome of the day" award!

and those taco bell shrimp tacos make me gag just thinking about them.

Chelle said...

EW. That shrimp taco?! I just threw up. A lot!

And totally loving the wine glass necklace--seriously, why couldn't I have thought of that?!

Hope you feel better honey! xoxo

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