I Can't Make This Shit Up! (Not for Kids or work)

March 15, 2010

 This morning I was watching TV and first this came on: 

Insurance company commercial "We still insure people who grow things, like children and crops" WTF? Do you have a garden full of kids growing in your back yard?

Then the commercial for the Vagisil Screening Kit

Lmao every time Mr. Man see's this commercial he says the same thing! "If that thing turns black, you've got problems!! But really, if you're having discharge that is anywhere close to any of these colors...please seek medical attention immediately. Instead of going to Wal Greens, wandering through the isles, and grabbing the Vagisil At Home Vaginal Screening Kit, driving home, doing whatever in the hell you have to do to get a sample, and waiting around for it to read, rather than wasting that hour...just go to the nearest hospital because something has died in your ass...well actually your vajayjay!

Printed menstrual Pads

Because those plain white ones are just wont do! Who wouldn't love stars or better yet..camo printed pads?
 Sazzi Shaper

Because shaving your hooha isn't hard enough now you have to try to keep this thong thing in place while you lift your leg to get in there and shave. Bitch please!
 Pubic Hair Dye

They even had a unisex one but I couldn't find an image of it. I don't know about you ladies, but if I'm about to do the dirty dirty with some guy and he pulls down his pants and there's some blue (or any of these other colors) hair...I'm getting the fuck outta there, quick! Not to mention...what woman has time to do shit like this?

Sea Sponge Tampons

The great news on these little jewels? You can wash and reuse these babies!! Because what PMS'ing woman wouldn't want to wash and re use their tampons??
 Butt Bleach

Do you have unwanted and unsightly stains? Great news...introducing Honey Bare Butt Bleach. Just bleach those troubles away!


These disposable deodorizers really do eliminate gas smells with their antimicrobial carbon technology. Just attach Subtle-Butt into your underwear and go ahead and pass gas and you won't be able to smell a thing. It's great for use in crowds or after a particularly gassy meal.

Hello Kitty Douche

For Hello Kitty collector who has it all.

Tampon Stun Gun
I'm sure it works great, I mean what big burley man is gonna be scared of a tampon? You can get up close with it (well maybe not considering you can get a man no where near the tampon isle in the store!!) and zap his ass!

The Biffy Personal Rinse

Because you know you're clean when your ass has been rinsed with toilet water!!

Bacon Soap
Damn baby! You smell good enough to eat!! 
Seriously, haven’t you seen those beggin' strips commercials? Couldn't you just imagine that damn dog chasing you around all day yelling "IT'S BACON!!!"??

The Anti Panti

Make your thong be gone! (That is actually their tag line!) Don't want to wear your drawers anymore? Well just pop one of these adhesive pads in your jeans and save your jeans from those "stains!"

Naughty Nads

Don't you want your puss to look like this? Is it just me or does that "hair" still look like it needs a good trim?

Don't like Monkey Butt?
Have a little problem with monkey butt? Why not try Anti-Monkey Butt Powder? This powder helps keep a certain region dry and smelling fresh. Just in case you forgot to wear your Calvin's or your Anti Panti.

Homemade Menstrual Pads...

Really? I'm sorry but there's some things a girl should never compromise on!

Ring of Fire After Curry Wipes

Because it burns coming out too!

69 B4 Play Lollypop flavored Wipes

Help stimulate and arouse your oral senses, they're lollypop flavored and they're sugar free!!! Woohoo!

GO GREEN Washable Crocheted Tampons Set of 5

Because why?? Actual women buy these?

These just made me say WTF...

Tampon Dolls

Just who thought a tampon doll would be a good idea?

Handcrafted Placenta

There are no words.

Red Vadge of Courage (Yes! That's it's name!)
What woman doesn't want her very own vajayjay necklace?? I just ordered mine!

Penis Artist

I just ordered this one too! Hey...maybe they can mate and I'll have lots of little peens and vaj's!

I Love Etsy Comment Crack Pipe

Hand Carved Wooden Dildo
I don't know what’s more disturbing, the fact that it's a gun or the fact that it's wooden. Can you say splinters?? (I didn't order this one!)

Nope! It's Soap!

Wouldn't you love to smell like dog shit too?

I guess all of these could be filed under "Who thinks this shit up anyways?"  We're surrounded by crazy y'all and they're closing in on us!



The Redheaded Stepchild said...

I'm just.....speechless. Wow. Butt bleach. Those words should not be used together.

And the fart be gone thing? I would totally order that! Not for me, of course.

Ian said...

I don't have a problem buying the wife tampons at the store. But there's no fucking way my ass is putting a vaginal screening kit on the register.

Way I see it, if it looks ok, smells ok, and nothing is coming out of it out of the ordinary, then all is well.

Otherwise, high tail that shit to the doctor. Case closed.

Christina Lee said...

Iam dying over here- that va jay jay necklace cannot be real--really?????? Just the laugh I needed today--thanks!

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo where on earth did you find these things.. Ya know the washable feminien stuff is not that far off from what our mothers had to do. no nice pads or tampons for them.. old rags washed out hung to dry and then back in again blleeecccch

{Kimber} said...

these are just disturbing..wow

Adoption of Jane said...

No f**ing way!! LMAO!!!!

starnes family said...

Well, you've outdone yourself here. Seriously. There are no words.

MindyMom said...

OMG, where did you find this stuff? Lmao!

Small Town Girl said...

As soon as I saw "Not for Kids or Work" I had to read on....even though I'm at work. You crack me up. I learn something new every time I come here. LMAO.

Tracie said...

I'm disturbed and amused at the same time. Also, I'd have to be very, very broke to start washing tampons and pads. I think I'd rather have a hysterectomy.

Coco said...

This is awesome!!! The whole homemade feminine products are the most disturbing.

Could you imagine?

Debbie said...

HILARIOUS!!~ Ok the other night my friend and I are sitting hanging out talking having a glass of wine....we get on the topic of the commercial of the couple in a boat in nature, on a beautiful lake....and then she says with a shit eating grin.....I have genital warts...oh he is so understanding, and they are so happy...like seriously, who does those commercials...and imagine being spotted, hey your the dude with the warts LOL!!~ Or the herpes ones are classics...i would rather do the vagisal commercial LOL

WhisperingWriter said...

Great, now Natalie wants a Tampon Doll.

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

Seriously?! I almost peed my pants reading this- it kept getting better and better (or, worse and worse?)!

Now I have to go change my homemade crochet undergarments :P

Chelle said...

Holy hell. Where did you find all of these treasures?!


Meeko Fabulous said...

I WANNA DYE MY EFFINGS PUBES BLUE!!! That is bad ass!!! LoL!!! :)

Alicia said...

DUDE!!! people are friggin CRAZY!!!! and i LOVE IT! nothing is a bigger turn on then when my man gets out of the shower smelling like bacon. yes please!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Etsy is a strange and wondrous place. Can I just say thank god for the spell check thingy on my computer??

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