So Blue.... A Picture Post!

See this gorgeous baby? Today this gorgeous, adorable, beautiful, precious little boy is a man. Well, to the rest of the world (today) he's a 21 year old man. To me...he's still this little boy. My baby.

                                            (they're not 12 in that pic! they're probably 9 or 10!)

I can't begin to tell you the mix of emotions I'm feeling today. I'm excited for what the future holds for him. I'm scared...he's a 21 year old boy y'all, wouldn't you be scared? Lol... I'm sad, because I can't be there with him today.

Actually, I'm heartbroken because I can't be with him today.  Even though I know I'd be spending the day helping him nurse a hangover lol. Yeah...he's my kid!!

                                                          (Rusty and Chief 13 years old)

Lol... Actually I just read that he and Chief (Brennon, one of his best friends) went to the casino, and apparently lost their asses at black jack but had a blast anyway lol. This two kids are hilarious together! When I went on Chief's profile to snag this pic, this is the caption that is under it....

"We didn't play around!! ... We were some dirty minded, alchohol consuming, women chasing 13 year olds who meant business!! ..."

 It's so funny to look at these pics of Rusty and Chief over the years. Chief used to be as round as he was tall! People at school used to call them "Stick and Butterball!" Lol... They've both grown up to be so damn handsome! But boy...has Chief changed!!

                                                        (They were probably 9 or 10 here)

Honestly, one of the reason's I'm up at 4:30 am writing this is because I was so worried about him tonight (was scared he'd end up driving after having some drinks) that I couldn't sleep. I laid in bed and cried for almost an hour! Not because I was worried, OK...that was part of it, but it was mostly because I'm not there to share this special day with him!

 These are pics that Rusty and Chief both posted on FB tonight....

 

                       (My babies all grown up! Hell...Chief might as well be mine!Rusty is on the left!)

How handsome are these boys?? Can't wait to see them!  28 more days y'all! YIPPIE!

I'm going to enclose the letter that I sent to Rusty in his birthday card. There was so much more that I wanted to say, but I just couldn't find the words! I'll be throwing pics in throughout! (In no particular order!)

Dear Rusty,

As many times as I’ve sat and thought about this day, your 21st birthday, I can’t believe it’s here. I will always think of you with so much love and pride, for the boy you once were and the man you have become.

I have loved you since the day I found out that you were on your way into my life. From that very moment, I knew a love that I’d never known before.

I swear it seems like yesterday that I was rocking you to sleep in your cradle. There are so many things that I want to say you, I hope that in this letter I’m able to express it all to you.

I can remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. It was too soon, three months early. I was so scared. I’m not sure what scared me more, the fact that you were three months premature or the fact that I was about to be a Mother.

 You were so sick, the doctors didn’t think you were going to make it through the night. Momma (Your Mamaw) was so worried for me (and you) that she made your Aunt Diann spend the night with me at the hospital, so I would have someone there to support me once they let me see you.

I’ll never forget, for as long as I live, walking into the nursery that night. There you were, the tiniest baby I’d ever seen. I know that I should have been scared, but I wasn’t. The minute I laid my eyes on you this sense of pride filled my heart. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced in my life. All I could think was “That’s MY baby, I made him!” I’m sure that sounds corny to you, and you probably wont understand it until you have kids of your own.

You picked your head up, opened your eyes and looked at me. I couldn’t believe it, you were only 3 pounds but you were able to pick up your head and look at me.

 

From that moment on I knew that my life was not my own anymore, my life belonged to you, my life was all about you.

  

God knows, I’ve made a million and one mistakes throughout your life. I hope you don’t hold those against me Rus. I tried, I really did. I did the very best that I knew how to do.
 
Somehow, (despite all of my mistakes) you’ve turned into a wonderful man. I couldn’t be prouder of you Rusty. You’ve gone above and beyond everything I ever imagined. You have fulfilled all of the hopes and expectations a Mother can have for her son.

 Because of my stupid mistakes you weren’t always surrounded by men who could be good role models in your life. And yet look at you. You’re one of the hardest working kids I know.

You could be one of those (young) men that thinks they can get through life just bumming around and living off of other people, thinking that everyone owes you something. I’m so proud that you’re not. I’m so proud that you have that drive, that determination.

I think that one of the qualities that I love the most about you is that you know what you want, and you don’t stop until you get it. You set goals for yourself. You’re also not afraid to speak your mind. If you have something to say, you say it.

You’re everything I never was. From the very beginning that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. I wanted you to have everything I didn’t, I wanted you to be everything that I’m not. You’ve far surpassed that.

There’s so much that I want for you, for your future. I want you to be successful, and happy. I want you to find love, to have a family. I worry that because I’ve been so unsuccessful in relationships (until now) that you’re jaded about love and relationships. Please don’t be.

 

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote “It’s better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all.” It’s so true Rusty. Being in love is a wonderful thing. Sure, you might get hurt, but it’s so worth it.
You might get your heart broken 10 times, but find the most wonderful woman the 11th time. If you shut yourself off from love, you’ll miss out on that woman, and the happiest times of your life.

Trust in your instincts and you’ll find the right person for you. When you do find that person, love them and respect them with all that you have. If you do that, you’ll get the same in return. Always be honest with yourself, and with the person you love. Above everything else, make sure that you’re happy.

I know, you probably think I’m the last person who should be giving you advice on love and relationships, trust me, I’ve had a lot of time to sit back and reflect. I’ve seen all of the mistakes that I’ve made. I’d give anything to be able to go back in time, to be able to change the way I’ve done things. I don’t want you to live with the same regrets that I do honey.

I want you to find what it is that you want your career to be, and I hope that you go for it.

I know you’ve talked for years about wanting to work for the Wildlife and Fisheries. Go for it. It’s never too late. Never. Do what you love Rusty. I would hate to think of you spending years working in the oil industry, being worn down by long hours of thankless work.

I hope that you’re always proud of where you came from and I don’t mean your location, (though there’s nothing wrong with Cajun pride!!) I mean your family. Sure, we’re nuts. We’re drama. Don’t ever forget we’re your family. I wish that you made more time for my side of the family. They love you Rusty, and they miss you.

I hope that you take time for you, for the things you enjoy to do. Make time for your friends, your family. Don’t spend your life working your ass off. Yeah, the money is nice, but at the end of the day, it’s just money. Your family and your friends are what’s important in life.

There are so many “moments” in the last 21 years that I treasure. I just want to list some of them for you.

The nights of “dancing” you to sleep when you were sick. I’d put on some soft music, hold you in my arms and I’d dance real slow around the room until you feel asleep.

Walking into your room every morning and saying “Good morning sunshine!” and seeing that adorable smile on your face. This was our routine every single morning.

The first time you said Momma.

When you were four and broke your nose, I was hysterical, you told me “It’s OK Momma, I’m a man, I can take it!”

When I tried to pick up a butterfly so you could touch it and you said “NO MOMMA! You’ll rub the butter off of it!!!”

Those adorable little cowboy boots that you used to wear (and kick the ever livin’ shit out of my shins with).

Your first day of school.

How you used to bring me “pretty” rocks home from school that you thought I would like. I still have some of them.

How you used to stand in the outfield during T-ball and pick flowers for me.

When you graduated 6th grade and I cried. You were so mad at me for that.

When you graduated high school, I promised you I wouldn’t cry. But when it came time for all of you kids to give your Mom a rose, you couldn’t find me. When I saw you ask your Aunt Diann “where’s my Momma?” I lost it. Thank you for not getting mad at me for that.

There are so many other things that I could mention Rusty. There are so many times that I’ve been so proud that all I want to do is cry.

I know you hate it when I get all sappy with you so I’m trying to keep this short for you.

Always remember, that I love you more than I’ve ever even imagined possible. You’ve never once disappointed me. Not once. I can never express to you how proud I am for the man you’ve become. Please, just stay on the path you’re on now and you’ll have a wonderful life.
I love you, and thank you for making my life so amazing! You’ll always be my baby, my everything.

I love you,
Momma

What I wouldn't give to be able to blink and be in Louisiana with my son today!