I got a text message from my oldest Sister today, basically telling me off. Because (apparently) I didn't answer my phone when she called. Don and I were both sitting here, my phone never rang. The text message was nasty. Very nasty. I was told to fuck off. I was told that I am selfish, that I live a "privileged" life, that it's not fair that I can have a life but she can't. I was told that I'm a horrible Sister and Daughter.
Needless to say, it pissed me the fuck off. I tried to call her but she just answered her phone screaming at me and then hung up on me. I tried to call my Dad to see what in the hell was going on, to make sure he's ok. She answered his phone and went off on me (I couldn't get a word in) for over 10 minutes before hanging up on me.
She's stressed out over money. She's stressed out because my Dad can (totally) be an ass sometimes. I've tried to help her as much as I can but I live in NC, they're all in LA. There's not a whole lot I can do from here.
I get it but I just don't get it. I understand her stress. In fact, I've let her call me and just vent any time she feels the need to. Because it felt like one of the few things that I could do to "help."
She actually said to me (today when she was going off on me) "You're the one that fuckin' wanted him to move from Hawaii to Louisiana in the first place, you BEGGED me to get him to move down here!!!"
WTF?? First of all, I didn't beg her to do a fuckin' thing. I most certainly did not beg her to talk my Father into moving down there. And even if I did, so what?
Seriously, I could go into the whole drawn out (3 fucking phone call) argument, but it doesn't even matter. It just pisses me off. I'm so used to her throwing it up in my face that I never do anything to help her that when she was having trouble helping Daddy pay his electricity bill, I asked Don if we could send the money to pay the bill. We paid the entire bill, not just her half. Don didn't even think twice, he just wrote the check. When she called me depressed because she had a date and didn't have any nice clothes to wear I went through my clothes and sent her two HUGE boxes of clothes (jeans, shirts, shorts, dresses, pj's, shoes and even a gallon ziplock bag full of make up) that cost us almost $60 to send. I'm so over it.
I've got a ticket to go home in September for two weeks. I could kick my ass for the two weeks. I mean, my Son is going to be working a good portion of the time that I'll be there so I was planning on spending some major time with my Sisters. But I don't even want to talk to my oldest sister at this point.
The anxiety is back FULL FORCE. My chest feels like there's an elephant sitting on it. I just don't know how to handle her anymore. I don't know what she expects from me anymore.
There's so much more going on with me, some things I'm trying to sort through that I'm not comfortable "talking" about here. So that's just more shit that I've got to hold in.
Family...who said you always have to love them?