I Don't Know Anymore, I Just Don't Know!

June 23, 2010

I got a text message from my oldest Sister today, basically telling me off. Because (apparently) I didn't answer my phone when she called. Don and I were both sitting here, my phone never rang. The text message was nasty. Very nasty. I was told to fuck off. I was told that I am selfish, that I live a "privileged" life, that it's not fair that I can have a life but she can't. I was told that I'm a horrible Sister and Daughter.

Needless to say, it pissed me the fuck off. I tried to call her but she just answered her phone screaming at me and then hung up on me. I tried to call my Dad to see what in the hell was going on, to make sure he's ok.  She answered his phone and went off on me (I couldn't get a word in) for over 10 minutes before hanging up on me.

She's stressed out over money. She's stressed out because my Dad can (totally) be an ass sometimes. I've tried to help her as much as I can but I live in NC, they're all in LA. There's not a whole lot I can do from here.

I get it but I just don't get it. I understand her stress. In fact, I've let her call me and just vent any time she feels the need to. Because it felt like one of the few things that I could do to "help."

She actually said to me (today when she was going off on me) "You're the one that fuckin' wanted him to move from Hawaii to Louisiana in the first place, you BEGGED me to get him to move down here!!!"

WTF?? First of all, I didn't beg her to do a fuckin' thing.  I most certainly did not beg her to talk my Father into moving down there. And even if I did, so what?

Seriously, I could go into the whole drawn out (3 fucking phone call) argument, but it doesn't even matter. It just pisses me off. I'm so used to her throwing it up in my face that I never do anything to help her that when she was having trouble helping Daddy pay his electricity  bill, I asked Don if we could send the money to pay the bill. We paid the entire bill, not just her half. Don didn't even think twice, he just wrote the check. When she called me depressed because she had a date and didn't have any nice clothes to wear I went through my clothes and sent her two HUGE boxes of clothes (jeans, shirts, shorts, dresses, pj's, shoes and even a gallon ziplock bag full of make up) that cost us almost $60 to send. I'm so over it.

I've got a ticket to go home in September for two weeks. I could kick my ass for the two weeks. I mean, my Son is going to be working a good portion of the time that I'll be there so I was planning on spending some major time with my Sisters. But I don't even want to talk to my oldest sister at this point.

The anxiety is back FULL FORCE. My chest feels like there's an elephant sitting on it. I just don't know how to handle her anymore. I don't know what she expects from me anymore.

There's so much more going on with me, some things I'm trying to sort through that I'm not comfortable "talking" about here. So that's just more shit that I've got to hold in.

Family...who said you always have to love them?

12 comments:

Leiah said...

Soooo sorry you're having to go through this. You accept the fact she does it because she's stressed, etc. but guess what - we're all stressed. That's no reason to take it out on you. I think she unleashes on you because she can't tell your dad the things she wants to. Either because he's the dad or because he's sick right now, so she uses you as the whipping boy. So you didn't answer your phone - um, maybe you had walked outside a minute...were in the bathroom and didn't bring it with you? I mean if it were days later with no answers after several calls maybe a WTF voicemail but not because you missed one call.

Hugs to you hon - at least you'll be able to see some fun people who WANT to be with you in September. Can't wait ~ MUAH!

In3Dee said...

Ah, poor you. :( Nothing like having a crazy family to add un=needed stress

Scraps said...

*hugs*

Lots of deep breaths and knowing that you're doing the best you can, just like everyone else on this spinning top.

If it helps, there's an eclipse this weekend and, cosmically speaking, folks are a lot more prone to being vulnerable and insecure and acting out in very emotional ways through then. I know not everyone buys into that sort of thing but you never know where insight comes from, right?

Dee Stephens said...

I've soo been there. 2 weeks is a long time but there is a lot of time between now and then.
The way I see it? Try to make amends here in a few weeks. Wouldn't you feel bad if something was to happen to her and you were on the outs? Again, I've been in this position(with my brother),he wasn't going to come to my wedding. I stepped up(even though I didnt want to).

singedwingangel said...

OH sweetie, can I tell you that I can kind of understand your sister but the behavior is not right. Sometimes when we are the sole caretakers the burdens overwhelm us, especially when life happens on top of that and we are left feelign busted and broken. So we lash out at the one we KNOW we can trust to love us after we have lost it. We say things we sometimes don't remember and words can often hurt more then an actual hit. I know I did my sisters. BUT my sisters are only like 5 miles away not another state. They NEVER came over to help with mom but could show up if food was offered. She knows mentally that you would be there if you could , but she has also chosen you as her venting surface because you are so far away. Praying for you both and sending you hugs.. I am sorry fo the things she said, but I think she feels just as bad or will once she settles back down..

pyesquire said...

Hi i am one of 6 kids and i have 4 full grown kid a 2 step sons all so grown i am a fellow fribo. suffer so i understand how you feel .Just keep talking that's all you can do and remember you have to take care of yourself or you will have a flare. i am in my longest flare and my 24y/o step son who lives with us while in school calls me lazy and a fake says its all in my head. i can barley walk and my left arm is in a sling and my husband keeps giving me job apps (in case i am interested) wonderful is it it SO you try to have a good day keep talking and the fuck with them !

Meeko Fabulous said...

Ugh. There is never a happy medium when it comes to arguments between siblings when it comes to the care of an elderly parent. I hope everything works out for you momma. I just think your sister isn't being very considerate of your feelings or ailments and the fact that she's throwing it all in your face only makes you harbor resentment towards her. You keep doing what you can from afar and know that you're doing all that you can to the best of your abilities. X's and O's.

Small Town Girl said...

I'm glad you see that stress is causing her to do this. You're doing the best you can, and no one can ask for more. She'll calm down (and feel like an idiot). In the meantime, drink a gin and tonic. I promise...it has healing powers. :)

Peterson Family said...

She may be family, but you are not responsible for her. Whatever choices she made in life were hers and hers alone. I can try to talk you into lots of things, but if you do them they become your choices! I hope things get better and you find a way to come to terms with it all.

*LLUVIA* said...

ah...the family drama! Been there! Right now I have a current beef with my sister over a car we were supposed to buy mom TOGETHER. uughhh...let me stop right there before I do a blog post-sized rant on your comments section!!!

MiMi said...

YIKES!!! I hope this blows over or goes away soon. :(

Gen said...

my doll, sometimes you just have to ignore. i've been there. and if you need me, email me, i can send you my number...i never mind a friend venting. ;)

Post a Comment

I love hearing from all of you so don't be shy.