I haven't been myself lately. I know this. My blog knows this. Mr Luvah Luvah knows this. My fuckin' pugs know this. These damn antidepressants that my Dr keeps insisting on putting me on for my anxiety are draining the liveliness right out of me. They're stealing my spunk. They're stealing everything that makes me, well...ME!!
They're stealing my blogging mojo damn it! I feel like I'm Jesse and Chester in "Dude, where's my car?" running around trying to find it! Under the couch cushions? Nope! Not there! In the junk drawer? Nope! Not there either damn it! I can promise you...it is NOT SWEET....not at all.
WHERE IS MY BLOGGING MOJO DAMN IT? Give it the fuck back....NOW! I'm not above breaking a couple of knees!
I had (have) this huge entry written up about my meds and what they're doing to me, but decided against sharing them...today. Just not in the mood for it I guess. This frickin' "blahhhness" that I'm going through is so NOT me and it's getting to me.
I'm ready to throw my hands up in the air and say "I give up!" To quit taking the depression meds and just live with the anxiety damn it. Either way...I feel like I'm screwed. And if I'm gonna get screwed...someone needs to be pullin' my hair damn it! Lmao!!!
I've come to some realizations about blog land. Some good. Some not. I realized that I was letting others make choices for me. Make no mistake about what I just said in that previous sentence. Emphasis on the I was letting. Totally my own fault, no one Else's. Please...out of respect, and my hatred of the drama llama, don't ask who/what I'm talking about...I wont tell you. It doesn't matter. What matters was the fact that I was letting someone elses opinion sway my thoughts, my choices.
I've also realized that if you're gone for a little while, if your life gets "busy" and you're unable to read and comment like you normally do, then you're likely to lose some followers. You'll definitely lose a lot of the comments that you'd normally get. No matter how much people say they'll understand, most (it seems) don't.
It's OK...this blog has never been about how many followers I could get, or how many comments. It's about my love of writing. My need to "get it out" when some thing's bothering me. Don't get me wrong...I loves the comments, so keep 'em coming lol. But if I lost every single one today, I'd still write in my blog.
Since I HATE being "Negative Nancy" and I have nothing pressing on my mind today I've decided to leave y'all with some questions, if you'd like to answer them cool, if not....that's cool too! Pick one...pick all...whatever, pick how ever many you'd like. There's no rules here. And I'll answer them as well. What fun would it be if I didn't play along?
What song best describes you when you first wake up in the morning?
This is an easy one!! I'm so NOT a morning person!! It would have to be....
Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit
Don't know the song? Here's a sampling of the lyrics:
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!!(there are a few bars between this line and the next one that I'm putting!)
And if my day keeps goin' this way
I just might break your fuckin' face tonight (or this morning)!!
Now if, on the off chance, I happen to wake up in a good mood in the morning, I'd say One Love by Bob Marley. Just puts ya in a good mood ya know??
Are you always early or terminally late?
ALWAYS early! I can't stand being late. The only time I'm ever late for anything is if I had car trouble or if the traffic was horrilbe...I try to leave early enough to allow for traffic though! And I'll be damned if I didn't go and marry an ex sailor, he's worse than me about being late! "If you're not 15 minutes early, you're LATE!
If you have children (if you don't...sorry!) who do you hope they turn out to be more like? You or your spouse?
Considering the fact that I'm the only one of his "real" parents who's ever been in his life, he really doesn' t have much of a choice other than to be like me. Thank God!
Which one of your parents would you say you turned out to be more like?
My Mom. Mostly. There are parts of Daddy in there too. But I'm more like my Mom and I love it. She was good people yo!!
P.S. Mr Luvah Luvah....thank you so much for loving me the way you do, so perfectly, so sweetly, so deeply. I'm sorry that I've been worrying you. I don't mean to. I know I haven't been myself lately, I'm trying...really I am! I love you, more than I've ever known possible to love anyone. You're the second greatest gift God ever brought into my life. I would be utterly lost without you.
