I borrowed this from Erin's blog, she borrowed it from Unabridged Girl's blog! It sounded like fun and I'm bored so I figured while I wait for my cake to cool off enough so I can frost it, I might as well play along!
1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size…needs improvement but I can live with 'em!
2. I’ve come to realize that my job…is something I enjoy more and more every day! (Being a wifey!)
3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving…I cuss, a lot. I also HAVE to have music!
4. I’ve come to realize that I need…people to realize how selfish they're being.
5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost…I would say my mind, but I'm not sure if I ever had it! I'll go with 28 lbs!!
6. I’ve come to realize that I hate…selfishness.
7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk…I'm hilarious (in my head) and I love to sing with the stereo blaring!
8. I’ve come to realize that money…would buy me an Ipad!!
9. I’ve come to realize that certain people…will never change. Can I get a what what??
11. I’ve come to realize that my siblings(s)…are who they are, they're not going to change.
12. I’ve come to realize that my mom…was my best friend.
13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone…is my bff/worst enemy lol!
14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning…that I had a crazy ass dream!
15. I’ve come to realize that my first love is…my son.
16. I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking about…my husband. I'm worried about him.
17. I’ve come to realize that my dad…is quickly learning how to use Facebook! Scary!
18. I’ve come to realize that when I get on Facebook…I'm hoping to see new messages, from my son!!
19. I’ve come to realize that today…isn't going to be the day we were hoping to have! 'Preciate that!!
20. I’ve come to realize that my best friend(s)…can be a bitch sometimes, but it's who she is!
21. I’ve come to realize that my spouse…is amazing. He's the bestest thing that ever happened to me.
22. I’ve come to realize that I really want to…run away with my hubby. To.Louisiana.Now!
23. I’ve come to realize that life…is precious!
24. I’ve come to realize that this weekend…has been a stressful ass weekend! So much for our plans!
25. I’ve come to realize that next weekend…better be better than this one!
26. I’ve come to realize that my children…(child) is the greatest kid. I couldn't be prouder if I tried!
27. I’ve come to realize that when life gives you lemons…pour a shot of tequila and drink that bitch!
I've got some work to do...
July 10, 2010
Yesterday was a grueling day, grueling! It started first thing in the morning and didn't stop until late afternoon. There was some (major) drama going on and hubby was stressed to the max. Poor thing had a tension headache that just wouldn't go away. (He still had it when he went to bed last night!) His stomach was bothering him, he drank a half of a bottle of Pepto just trying to make it stop.
I hate when he stresses like that, it scares me. So what did I do? I worried... and I stressed him even more. Because he was stressing, he was cranky, and we ended up having a couple of words, mostly me being upset and not being able to hold it in. Usually I'm pretty good at holding it in. I usually don't voice my opinion on certain subjects, only because voicing my opinion isn't going to do a bit of good. It's not going to change a damn thing. Does this bother me? Yes! Can I change it? No.
I made a choice when deciding to move here. Sometimes that choice isn't easy to live with. I packed up everything I owned and moved from Louisiana to North Carolina a year after we met on line. I packed my entire life into 6 boxes. Six. I had to get rid of stuff that was given to me after my Mother's death. I had to give up stuff that I'd been holding onto for years that Rusty had made, or given to me. (Lol...he used to bring me home rocks from school!)
I left my son, in his senior year of high school, because it's what he wanted and it was 3 months before his 18th birthday. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I also knew that it was the best thing for him, if I made him move here, he would have quit school. Not to mention he would have just moved back to LA on his 18th birthday.
I left my family, my friends, my everything. Hell I even left my car. I had nothing here, except him. No job, no friends, no family. Nothing, but him. I sacrificed everything to give us a chance.
It hasn't been easy for me. I can't tell you how many times I've questioned myself, "Was it really worth it?" Don't get me wrong, I love hubby dearly. He is THE BEST thing that's ever happened to me. I've never had a man treat me better. For the first time in my life I know what real love feels like.
But...I've missed out on so much with my Son. The everyday things. The little things that we all take for granted until we can't experience them anymore. Sure, I go home once or twice a year, but it's never enough. Imagine only seeing you kid, and your family once or twice a year.
When he totaled my car, I wasn't there. (He was fine, just freaked out.) When his father committed suicide, I wasn't there. (I flew home immediately!) Can you imagine what it's like to have you 19 year old kid call you and say "Daddy shot and killed himself last night?" And to know that the moment that he found out about it, you weren't there? It's not easy to live with. There are feelings of guilt that will never go away. Never.
My son has had to grow up, a lot. Because he doesn't have me there. I can't take care of things for him. I can't fix thing for him. I'm not there. When he gets sick, I can't be there. For all of you Mother's out there, you know what that's like. Hell, you feel guilty enough because you can't make them better, imagine how guilty I feel cause I'm not there. Even though I couldn't make him better I could at least be there to take care of him.
Like I said, there's an immense amount of guilt that I go through. Every.Single.Day. I struggle with it. Every.Single.Day.
When I get upset with Don, it's one of the first things I throw in his face. I don't mean to, honestly I don't. I don't do it to be hateful. I do it because sometimes I feel like he doesn't realize what I've given up, for us. I need to know that he realizes what I was willing to give...for us. And I need to know that he's willing to give the same.
I'm not saying he's not. I'm not saying he doesn't realize what I've sacrificed. Deep down inside I know he does. Maybe I just need to hear him say it. I dunno. There are some things that he's not willing to "bend" on and sometimes, that bothers me. I guess my mindset is "I've bent over backwards and then some! Why can't you?"
There are situations that happen sometimes that I don't agree with. He and I both know what they are. It's a no win situation. Really it is. No matter which way it goes, someone is going to be upset. And it always ends up being me. Not because he's stubborn and wont give in. It's because there are really no other choices to be made. So what's the use in arguing about it? None really.
But...I AM a Cajun woman. I don't how much y'all know about Cajun people but we are very strong willed. When we set our minds to something, it's not easy to "back down." It's not easy to let it go. No matter how much I know that my opinion is irrational, letting it go is NOT easy for me. I've come to realize that when I have to back down, or "let it go" in my mind I'm thinking "It's just one more time that I had to "sacrifice" something!" (even if it is only my opinion, or how strongly I feel about certain situations!)
But...that mindset isn't right. I can't "punish" Don for this. I can't keep throwing it up in his face every time I get upset. It's not fair to him. Do I sometimes wish that Don would try to see things from my point of view? Hell yes! Do I sometimes wish that, just once, he would sacrifice how he feels (or thinks) to make me happy? Hell yes! Is that irrational? Hell yes!
I've got some work to do on myself. I've got to change my way of thinking on this whole situation. I've got to understand that sometimes this way of thinking puts my husband in an impossible situation. Even though I feel like I've been in an "impossible" situation for the past four years. It's a situation that I chose to be in. I chose to give it all up to be here. Even if I didn't understand the choices I was making at the time, and the consequences of those choices. It's not his fault, and I've got to stop blaming him.
I've got to accept the choices that I've made, and the consequences of those choices. Just like everyone should have to when you're an adult. I guess the keyword here is adult. Yeah, being an adult sucks, but for some of us we have no other choice but to be an adult.
No matter how much guilt I go through, no matter how much I feel like I have to back down and let go, I wouldn't trade the last four years for anything. My husband loves me, and he makes me happier than I ever dreamed possible. It was so worth it.
Yeah, I know I'm not perfect (imagine that!), and I can admit when I'm wrong!
I hate when he stresses like that, it scares me. So what did I do? I worried... and I stressed him even more. Because he was stressing, he was cranky, and we ended up having a couple of words, mostly me being upset and not being able to hold it in. Usually I'm pretty good at holding it in. I usually don't voice my opinion on certain subjects, only because voicing my opinion isn't going to do a bit of good. It's not going to change a damn thing. Does this bother me? Yes! Can I change it? No.
I made a choice when deciding to move here. Sometimes that choice isn't easy to live with. I packed up everything I owned and moved from Louisiana to North Carolina a year after we met on line. I packed my entire life into 6 boxes. Six. I had to get rid of stuff that was given to me after my Mother's death. I had to give up stuff that I'd been holding onto for years that Rusty had made, or given to me. (Lol...he used to bring me home rocks from school!)
I left my son, in his senior year of high school, because it's what he wanted and it was 3 months before his 18th birthday. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I also knew that it was the best thing for him, if I made him move here, he would have quit school. Not to mention he would have just moved back to LA on his 18th birthday.
I left my family, my friends, my everything. Hell I even left my car. I had nothing here, except him. No job, no friends, no family. Nothing, but him. I sacrificed everything to give us a chance.
It hasn't been easy for me. I can't tell you how many times I've questioned myself, "Was it really worth it?" Don't get me wrong, I love hubby dearly. He is THE BEST thing that's ever happened to me. I've never had a man treat me better. For the first time in my life I know what real love feels like.
But...I've missed out on so much with my Son. The everyday things. The little things that we all take for granted until we can't experience them anymore. Sure, I go home once or twice a year, but it's never enough. Imagine only seeing you kid, and your family once or twice a year.
When he totaled my car, I wasn't there. (He was fine, just freaked out.) When his father committed suicide, I wasn't there. (I flew home immediately!) Can you imagine what it's like to have you 19 year old kid call you and say "Daddy shot and killed himself last night?" And to know that the moment that he found out about it, you weren't there? It's not easy to live with. There are feelings of guilt that will never go away. Never.
My son has had to grow up, a lot. Because he doesn't have me there. I can't take care of things for him. I can't fix thing for him. I'm not there. When he gets sick, I can't be there. For all of you Mother's out there, you know what that's like. Hell, you feel guilty enough because you can't make them better, imagine how guilty I feel cause I'm not there. Even though I couldn't make him better I could at least be there to take care of him.
Like I said, there's an immense amount of guilt that I go through. Every.Single.Day. I struggle with it. Every.Single.Day.
When I get upset with Don, it's one of the first things I throw in his face. I don't mean to, honestly I don't. I don't do it to be hateful. I do it because sometimes I feel like he doesn't realize what I've given up, for us. I need to know that he realizes what I was willing to give...for us. And I need to know that he's willing to give the same.
I'm not saying he's not. I'm not saying he doesn't realize what I've sacrificed. Deep down inside I know he does. Maybe I just need to hear him say it. I dunno. There are some things that he's not willing to "bend" on and sometimes, that bothers me. I guess my mindset is "I've bent over backwards and then some! Why can't you?"
There are situations that happen sometimes that I don't agree with. He and I both know what they are. It's a no win situation. Really it is. No matter which way it goes, someone is going to be upset. And it always ends up being me. Not because he's stubborn and wont give in. It's because there are really no other choices to be made. So what's the use in arguing about it? None really.
But...I AM a Cajun woman. I don't how much y'all know about Cajun people but we are very strong willed. When we set our minds to something, it's not easy to "back down." It's not easy to let it go. No matter how much I know that my opinion is irrational, letting it go is NOT easy for me. I've come to realize that when I have to back down, or "let it go" in my mind I'm thinking "It's just one more time that I had to "sacrifice" something!" (even if it is only my opinion, or how strongly I feel about certain situations!)
But...that mindset isn't right. I can't "punish" Don for this. I can't keep throwing it up in his face every time I get upset. It's not fair to him. Do I sometimes wish that Don would try to see things from my point of view? Hell yes! Do I sometimes wish that, just once, he would sacrifice how he feels (or thinks) to make me happy? Hell yes! Is that irrational? Hell yes!
I've got some work to do on myself. I've got to change my way of thinking on this whole situation. I've got to understand that sometimes this way of thinking puts my husband in an impossible situation. Even though I feel like I've been in an "impossible" situation for the past four years. It's a situation that I chose to be in. I chose to give it all up to be here. Even if I didn't understand the choices I was making at the time, and the consequences of those choices. It's not his fault, and I've got to stop blaming him.
I've got to accept the choices that I've made, and the consequences of those choices. Just like everyone should have to when you're an adult. I guess the keyword here is adult. Yeah, being an adult sucks, but for some of us we have no other choice but to be an adult.
No matter how much guilt I go through, no matter how much I feel like I have to back down and let go, I wouldn't trade the last four years for anything. My husband loves me, and he makes me happier than I ever dreamed possible. It was so worth it.
Yeah, I know I'm not perfect (imagine that!), and I can admit when I'm wrong!
Groggy and stuffs....
July 9, 2010
If you'd like to play along click on the button up there. It's gonna be a random one for me!
*While taking a shower I did the whole shampoo, rinse, repeat drill and then I grabbed the conditioner and filled my hand up with some. (yeah...I use A LOT!) Put it in my hair and realized...it was shampoo! Lol it took me forever to rinse all that shit out! My hair is squeaky clean though! Don't you hate when you do that?
*I bought some Aveeno Positively Nourishing Smoothing body wash.
I love it, it smells so good. But...it's got these little bits and peices of something (*natural exfoliants like rice beads and walnut shells*) in it. There are just some places where those little bits and pieces should NEVER go. Just sayin'....
*Speaking of the shower, why is it that I have 8,000 products lining the shower wall and Don has one??
*There is something wrong with my taste buds. I made spaghetti for supper and couldn't even eat it. It tasted so damn tangy to me. I mean tangy like biting into a lemon tangy. Don said it tasted fine.
Then I tried to eat a popsicle (they're my new addiction) I couldn't even taste the flavor in it, it was just like eating plain ice. This sucks.
Those popsicles are the bomb! Strawberry-kiwi...out of this effin' world!
*I mentioned on Tuesday that my Godchild Destiny asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She told me that I could pick out the dress that I wanted to wear as long as it's "apple!" (red)
I swear y'all, I was secretly hoping she would say that I could pick out my dress. Not that I don't trust her style or anything, but I'm guessing I'll be the oldest chick in the wedding party so I don't want to be wearing some wacked out dress that the other "little" girls are wearing! These are the two that I picked out from the website.
I really like the first one, I don't know why...it's different though. When I showed the pics to my Godchild she liked the second one better. Lol but she did say that I could wear whichever one I wanted to. The second one happens to be the same exact dress that my sister wore in my Nieces (her Godchild) wedding, just a different color! I didn't realize that until I looked back through her wedding pics. I wont be sure which one I like until I can try them on!
*This past week there was an accident on Virgina Beach. A homeless man was run over by a garbage truck while sleeping on the beach.
This is a picture that a tourist took of the man shortly before the accident.
It's horrible. Though I feel terrible for what his family must be going through I don't understand this next part...at all. His family is talking about suing the city, state, etc... I mean, I get that they're upset, and that they don't understand how something like this can happen. But, there's no money in the world that is going to bring him back. If you could have seen the huge group of family members that were on the news. They kept saying how great of a person he was, how he liked to dance for the tourist and entertain them. How he would never have hurt anyone. I don't understand why he didn't live with one of them. He was homeless, if his family was so worried about him, why was he homeless? I don't get it, at all. The city has made changes in their policies in hopes that this never happens again. It's so sad! :0{
*We NEVER have flies in our house. Today I've had two flies get all kamikaze in my glass of tea. WTH? Seriously, stop it already.
*I mentioned earlier that my new addiction is popsicles. They're also my pugs new additions. And I spoil them so much that I'm cutting popsicles off the damn stick and putting them in their food bowls for them. I'm terrible, I know!
*I think I mentioned in a post not too long ago about the new muscle relaxers that my dr put me on. I told y'all how I took one (with an Ambien CR like the dr suggested) after being up for two days and that they didn't do anything for me. Nothing at all. Well Wednesday night I did the same thing. I was having a lot of muscle spasms in my left arm so at dinner I took one of them. Then a few hours later I took an Ambien. Good lawd y'all!
I woke up on the couch yesterday morning when Don got up for work. The first thing I said to him was "Did I even make it to bed?" He told me I hadn't. I ended up taking THREE naps yesterday. I was groggy as hell yesterday. I hate that. I hate that one day my meds do nothing for me and then the next time I take them they knock me the f*ck out like that. Then only thing that I managed to do that I'd planned on doing was that I cooked dinner. That was it. The rest of the day I laid around all damn day.
Not sure what the hubs and I are up to this weekend. I'd love to get out of the house and do something though. I don't think I've left my house all week lol. I need to do something though. Maybe I can talk him into going to the botanical gardens or something.
Hope you all have a great weekend!
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